the office

i love my friends.
much more than anything else in this world.
my greatest assets and my world and life is made well because of them.

sigh
i had a bad day.
i cursed and swear and cursed and swear and then finally, i thought about things
and the more i thought, the more frustrated i become.

at the things that people have become.
that taught us that being genuine, came with a price.

" if you're here to meet people then, this isn't the right place for you, because we are here to get jobs and to earn, not form friendship"

so, every client and every friendship formed came with a condition?
so nothing is genuine?

how can that be a teaching point?

Have my honesty and my fore front been threatened just because this place cannot tolerate my a truthful self?
that i am not here for the money nor for the " fame" for that matter. ( there aint much in the first place )
but because I truly believe that I may benefit, intellectually and emotionally.

that I would come out of this place with knowledge and wisdom and maturity.

but 3 months showed me more than what I was prepared to see.

a lesson learnt. but one that i cannot comprehend.

why am i thought to put relationships aside and do what it means to get business, jobs, clients and in other words, money?

Why am I insulted, because i wanted to built relationship more than a business partner ?

and why am I put down, because I made friends at work just because they are worth being friends and not cause I needed them to work with?

and above all, I dont see why and how my family tree was pulled into a review about my work ethic.

" so is your carelessness or you not being meticulous inherited? "

INHERITED? i was offended. more than anything else.
I dont see how and why my family became a part of this conversation and I am truly offended.

i thought I could take politics and nitty gritty office squabbles with an open mind.
but I guess when lines are crossed, nothing can salvage it.

I am not one who bear grudges or even bother to remember who stepped on my toes or pulled my hair.
but if need be, I will.

because a monster has come into my life and is trying eat me up alive. and if i dont remember the traces he leaves behind, i will one day, die in his horrible hands.

I do not appreciate personal insults or when my pride is put at stake.

there's a limit to everything. and sad to say, someone has already crossed it.

forgiveness is a virtue but I am not a saint.
I will somehow forgive one day but this instance, I am flipping through jobsDb all over again.