The Journal - Chapter 25

Hi there, its been awhile.

2012-02-14T07:31:00.000-08:00

its one of those days, when work is mostly done, husband is in bed and just dont know what to do for the next 30 mins or so before your own bed time. Now is one of those times and then i remembered, i do have a blog.

I havent blogged for awhile and i do feel a tad guilty for not blogging much but really, a new life, new church, new families, new jobs (plural) and new responsibilities are not as easy to handle as how the movies always tries to depicts.
Not that I do not like where i am now, in fact, I love it, but i am still figuring out my time and trying my best to fit in.
in short, I am tired.

I find myself shopping for eye cream and wrinkle cream cz of all the stress from work and the constant travelling ( job based ) being under the sun, does wear me out.

I am often asked, so how is marriage treating you.
I never knew the answer
until i guess, recently. I think I feel free.
not entirely in freedom but free and peaceful and perhaps happy.
It's been a challenging 25 years and now, suddenly my ropes are cut looser and I have a say in my life.
I start to realise things no one taught me about and its the ability to be exposed to such situations, that makes me feel free.

I can finally hear my own thoughts and not hers and I finally have a footing in my life.
in a nutshell, I am happy with where i am right now.

Well, will try my best to blog more, not really for anyone's reading pleasure but for me to reflect on my life while typing furiously and hopefully, someone out there shares my thoughts too :)

Have a good valentines day and well, a peaceful rest of the week.
Stay healthy <3

A BRAND NEW YEAR!

2012-01-22T09:36:00.001-08:00

A Brand New Year.
Since my wedding, it felt like EVERYTHING became different. and I am not talking about my relationship with jeff, but life as a whole.
As some of you may know, I am finally doing a job that I really really love or wanted to do and that was to be able to work with children who are... a little special in their own ways.
Working, guiding children with learning difficulties have really opened my eyes to so much more to life and has really put the word love and paitence to a whole new level of perspective. We all go in with the mentality to teach and to coach but we often walk out taught and educated.

As much as I love what I am doing now, it does take up alot of time and energy and almost everyday I come home crashed. it really takes up alot more than I think and then I realise, we really have to depend on God even for our energy everyday.

Beside that, my own company, you might ask?
We are looking at a whole new management, new system, we are expanding and looking at giving more back to our students. But I cannot do it alone. and you may ask again, so what about your parents? truth is, we are hardly on the same page. BUT we are working on it. We have gone thru ups and downs, more downs than ups in our case and we have torn each other apart and strained our already fragile relationship. BUT! at the same time, we have strengthened each other in funny aspects. well, I guess what i am trying to say is at the end of the day, we are still a family and we ARE going to set this straight. ONE LAST TIME.

WELL!
Happy new year everyone, its my little bro's first dragon year ( which means he is finally 12 ) so hope you all will have a good good one! pause your diet and celebrate! my first year giving ang pao .. erm its a bit.. weird i must say but well theres always a first!

okay thats all folks! have a good one today !! :)

Love
Phillane

I held my daddy's hands and walked down the aisle

2011-10-14T02:45:00.001-07:00

A Saturday.

Most of you would know, my absence has an absolute valid reason.
Well, I got married.

I married my soulmate on the 29th october 2011.
It was a day I would relive any time and the most memorable moment that day was when i walked down the aisle and saw Jeff's teary face, I cried under my veil. We have come such a long way, and these planning days wasnt a bed of roses at all.
At the end of the day, we were just glad we are finally married and made our vows before our lovely guest.

Just a few snippets :)

My dance with my dad was one of the best moments for me too. It was so significant to me at least. Most wouldnt know but during the dance, daddy just kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he loves me so much. those few minutes, left me teary and speechless.

I would live that day again and repeat my vows because when I said I do, I really do.

Till death do we part.

I love you Jeff.

Audrey

2011-09-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

I love everything about this woman, from her style to her way of life.
So please take some time to enjoy the inspiration to my wedding theme.

you need to shut up

2011-09-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

I was rudely reminded of why I have decided to get married now
cause I can no longer tolerate your bloody attitude and your bullshits.

I am gladly packing up.

( dad drives off, sister walks away, I went into the bathroom , such graceful exit only found here. )

Nothing else matters anymore

2011-09-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

"Suddenly every tiny detail, about the dress, the linens, the type and colour of flowers, the songs, the design, theme, the hair and so much more, doesn't matter anymore when I recalled the moment we sealed our love with a prayer. The journey our feet carried us through, our times shared, good and bad, pretty and ugly. The places we've been, the things we said, the things we've done, the challenges we've faced, the countless times I fell and you held on, has silently found a space in the pocket of my heart.

From the first time you promised to give your very best in this relationship to the time you knelt on your knee to ask for my hand, it is amazing how God beautifully crafted our storyline, every punctuation and intensity.

32 days to a start to the next chapter, I look through my wedding programmes and I realised, nothing meant more than being with you."

half way to the moon.

2011-09-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

43 days!

I have been Wedding shopping alot with my mum and granny, and it is a good experience.

Them being there for me made me feel very loved and contented.

I am finally enjoying my planning process and finally feeling it.

Everyday seems like a project on its own and its crazy. really.

Anyways, let me just give an in sight of what we have been busy with these days

crazy shopping because like every dialect has its own customaries to follow, I do too

and that means i have to get a luggage FULL of clothes, make up, soap, daily necessities, creams, under garments, everything! 20 sets of clothes by the way. NOT one or two.

bedsheets, basins, whatever you name it.

oh if you dont already know, I am a hockchew. though having said that, its my maternal granny who brought me up so I follow now strictly hokkien customs and traditions, which is kind of intense.

Well wanted to show you guys some of the shopping but i decided to just wait till the actual day. so that my huge luggage can unveil its quantity of shopping.

But before I go, something excited I'd like to share!

LUSH http://www.lush.co.uk/

has been one of my favourite soap/cosmetics/shower cream shop ( whatever u call it ) but I cant find it in Spore.

I got my first from auntie who lives in LA. so whenever she comes back she will bring back many of these nice little shower gels, creams for me and it smells sooo good.

and guess what.

I FOUND IT! HERE in SPORE!

at a shop in Holland Village :)

and so I walked out of the shop with a mini stash. :)

These are bubblebombs. like if you drop it into the tub it will fizzle and create so much foam that smells soo good! amd they have the cutest names.

This is cinder

and this is Dorothy

and the last one is Magic Mushroom.

Theres so much more i wanna get but its really overwhelming.

So, if you're a fan of soap and creams and all, enjoy the shopping!!

Have a good thursday everyone!

Hello God, This is Phillane

2011-09-01T11:30:00.001-07:00

It was just a dream than we woke up to another deja vu moment.

At the end of the road, when nothing is left and its just God and you.

At that point of time, what will you be thinking? What would God say to you ?

What will He think about how you have you have led you life?

Will He open His arms and welcome you, calling you his faithful servant or turn away and tell you He doesn't know you?

How have you led your life?

I lost my good friend when we were 17 and I always wondered how life can be so strong yet at the same time be so fragile but if God calls you to be home right now, and you haven't had the chance to repent, to call out to Him or led a life glorifying, will it then be too late to only find out when God is knocking on your door?

I know of a man who fought as a soldier, and after he retired, continued to fight as God's soldier, changing lives, glorifying Him and touching people.

Though he lost at the battle of health, he won in more ways than one.

Although he is Jeff's relative, and my close uncle's mentor and friend, it felt like I lost someone special too.

So this post is dedicated to him.

A loving husband and father and very special someone to Jeff and Uncle Roger.

jar of heart

2011-08-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

I love this song and it is probably one of the best MTVs I have come across.

love her voice and the intense of her emotions, its amazing.

enjoy ya'll.

past vs present

2011-08-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

I am finally packing my stuffs to move to J's place.

I threw away so much unwanted junk and kept all the little sentimental things.

Found many things that reminded me of long time ago.

and these are some of my finds:

My school badges and CCA badges
My favorite harmonica my uncle gave me. :)

Letters and postcards written by my best friend when we were in sec school.
We literally wrote to each other everyy day at least twice a day.
so this is really just the tip of the ice berg. i have 3 boxes full of them :)

well thats about all the photos I too cz i was took busy packing and catagorising.

cause I am OCD like that.

and I get more OCD when I am stressed out and that makes me MORE stressed than usual.

its crazy. I know. So I need to stop being crazy and not do housework in the middle of the night and not be disturbed by people's chewing sound cause it literally makes me stop breathing.

ok totally went out of topic.

Oh wells. Have a good tuesday everyone its HOLIDAY and to all my malay friends, SELAMAT HARI RAYA! :) <3

put your left foot in, you're one step closer

2011-08-28T10:43:00.001-07:00

p" I feel that... "
J" sigh...it is 1:30am, Say what you want to say quickly... grants.. "

Very good, I saw a glimpse of marriage today, 2 months before the real deal.
Awesome life. dont you think?

6 years ago, no matter how tired, we would stay up just to talk and communicate with each other.
we would talk about anything everything from 11pm to 6am and continue from 8am to like 11am and it became a cycle through time.

Now we just say hello goodnight and take bus silently.
Not that i hate it, silence is good cause we enjoy each other's company but we have come to a point where we just dont talk.

When we ask more than 1 question, we get frustrated

So, good. I saw true colours and I surprise myself by not even being extremely angry
guess i am getting used to such nonchalant attitude and honestly, I think I no longer care.

Sooner than i think, a few steps into our marriage, we will be doing our own things and leading our own lives.
I see that happening. well not that I care much about that cause mostly I see J as a best friend, soul mate more than a lover or romantic partner( whatever that is, i just read it in a magazine) so I am comfortable just having a soul mate.
But isn't it sad?

How things change and how honest we've become as the date draws nearer, as we get more comfortable with each other it makes it seem alright to say blatantly truthful comments such as the above.

and as we bury our heads into this wedding drama, we start to wonder, why are we getting married? Why? what for?

Getting married seemed the easiest next step after near 7 years of togetherness. and well of course it is beautiful but everyone dreams to have their ideal wedding, they talk about how one day they want to fulfil this dream, they want a somebody. But is it?

why do we want to get married? if it is only because it is the "next step" for you, than stop right there and think twice, thrice, many times over.
I hear of too many people falling out just before their wedding because they are so engrossed in the planning process that they forgot how they first started

Just like me.

I forgot the warm fuzzy feeling, the sweet loving and promises made in the beginning. As much as these things are not the most important things in a relationship, it is, to keep ones head and heart clear.

I had to be reminded of why we loved each other and how we fell in love sometimes, because these things make every argument seem stupid and every stress about less important things redundant.

Getting in touch with emotions and feelings put us back on track and keep ourselves in check. Puts priority at the right places, and most importantly, reminds us that a wedding is just an event, and not the real deal.

Right where I am, I have to constantly ask myself why I love J, how we fell in love because I am getting lost in my own wedding logistics and to do lists.

Two months. mixed feelings and cold feet.

We have overcome so many countless obstacles, so much, that giving up now seem so stupid, but inevitably, we still ask ourselves, why?
Why are we getting married?

"sigh.."
hangs up
.. whatever, watch more videos.

What's next?

Friday

2011-08-18T21:12:00.000-07:00

Hello Friday.

P: " I wonder why everyone is so nice to me these few days. someone treated me coffee and another one breakfast and got me little surprises."
J: " Hmm I guess they want to spent time with you. oh btw keep your friday evening free, and sat, i have to work but dont worry I will still make time to keep you company, and sunday we go out ya?"
p: " oh, ok what the occasion?"
J: " .... your birthday."

P: "SHOCKED"

Obviously, I have clearly forgotten. if not, i have totally lost track of time.
well that just added to my weekends giving me another reason to be happy about! :)

Have a good weekend everyone!!
BTW Med kalek's book mark series 2 coming right up!! whoots! :))

August wind

2011-08-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

So we had our photoshoot done last wednesday. Finally something off the check list, next up is the guest list and the invites and programme booklets etc etc.
It has been a beautiful process because much was unveiled to me during these times but it is bitter sweet.
I saw the beauty of Jeff and him taking up the role as the leader but I also saw the ugliness of man as well.

My family is a mess, so lets just never talk about it unless nessessary.
I have lived in fear and uncertainty for too long and now that I am working with them, I think I lost 10 years in age and much of my sanity so as I begin a new chapter with J, I will start afresh.

so action plan
: Update resume. CHECK
: Send them out. CHECK
: go for interviews.CHECK
: consider and going for another one tommorow :)

wish me luck people. I need all of it.

anyhoos. we are almost 2 months into the actual day! excited but it feels very unreal, almost as if I am in a story book and I am finally the main character but at the same time, I am overwhelmed with the attention but I am counting my blessings and feeling God's love as He has showed me His grace through these charming people.

well, before I go, a little peek into our shoot! photos that wasn't uploaded onto FB !! ting ting*

Have a good weekend everyone and enjoy the rest of August. <3

crippled

2011-07-28T11:04:00.000-07:00

I jolted up from my dream last night.
I dreamt that my mum screamed in pain and told me that a truck knocked her down
when I looked at her, her entire leg was distorted, bent and morbid.
I screamed for my sister to phone the ambulance, and then I woke up.

I felt the pain when I woke up, but it was right in my heart.
I couldn't get back to sleep after that because I kept thinking of the broken limb.
Didn't quite understand why the dream,and I went on with my day in a heavy heart
because tonight I was about to let go of something that I've been holding onto.

I felt mercury flowing in my heart and every step was as heavy as lead.
I dreaded it but we had to do what needed to be done.

We went into the room, with the intention to clarify and to make peace,but we came out more disappointed than ever.
I was so so disappointed and disheartened I felt my body weighing down and I was speechless.
I sat in Jeff's car so dejected and hurt no words could describe, I felt emptiness that hurts.
and it was then, I saw a flash of the broken limb from my dream.

With every word that Jeff spoke, from conviction to the tearful heartfelt words, my heart ached.

We've handed in the letter, cutting our ropes loose, closing the chapter.
As we pushed the letter across the table, I swallowed my tears and Jeff's voice wavered.
I felt crippled

From crippled to disappointment and then full fledge anger.
I found a voice and the courage to speak the words I kept in me all these time and it just went on and on and on with every word vomit, I spoke louder until I could hear my own echo bounce off the wall but the word vomit did not stop.
I was angry and every word that came out of my mouth felt like it was on auto play, I ended probably only 5 mins later, at that point, I was crying so hard, for everything lost.

We got back to Jeff's car and at that point, I was a total wreck. I was crying so so hard because it really hurts terribly much.
The most painful thing was to realize how men are such sinners and how things turned out. The ugliness of man was beyond my vocabulary.

Both of us mourned and cried for the lost but it is time to move on.
It is the last time, we will ever bring this issue up. For every one who have been, wants to be and offered to be a part of the most important time of our lives, we are ever so grateful.
For those who thinks other wise, we truly respect your decision.

We never thought things would turn out like this. 3 months to our wedding, we closed this huge chapter.
I miss all those sweet sweet fellowship so so badly.

Sigh.

"Darling pray with me."
" I can't. It hurts so bad."
" Just listen to me and pray with me. Just listen."

Thank you for being with me through the darkest times.

A last kiss.

2011-07-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

It's time to flip the page.

We sat in the car silently, and sighed.
then Jeff gave me an assuring smile.
"Tomorrow, things will be better."

Its probably going to be the hardest thing to do, because the best, may never always be the easiest.
We've been pointing down the right and the wrong, black and the white
we left in the end, tried to fit in, to call another place home.
but our heart, we left behind.

There's a place I called home for 21 years.
There was a place I loved and grew up
There was a place I saw my children running around in.
But tonight, we are closing a chapter.

I never expected it to feel so painful
and to be so overly emotional about it.
Never realised how I have been trying to keep it in, only to be slapped by reality when I allowed myself to.
I gave in tonight and wept for the shame of the outcome.

I missed every bit about it. All the time spent with people dear to me
nonetheless, we are handing over a letter today, something I never imagined I would.

Because we have been hurt and betrayed, left alone and misunderstood for too long.

We are officially putting back the keys where we took them from.
I haven't cried this hard for so long,but to be typing these words,is extremely painful.

I never wanted to say goodbye at least not this way.
We had enough.

So for our future, here's one last kiss and a goodbye.

Next Chapter

"thank you for being so strong"
" It's ok, I have to, because I love you."

Med Karlek

2011-07-25T12:08:00.001-07:00

My very first order. Completed, packed and ready to be sent.

I have never felt so excited and delighted in a very very long time.

Feels like my first step to my dreams.

So, want a handmade bookmark? :)

Taking orders!

P.S Other Handmade items in a paper bag coming soon!

Med karlek, ( With love )

A very happy Phillane

Wednesday

2011-07-20T10:23:00.001-07:00

Hello Everyone.

I know there has been a lack of post, but please forgive me, I have been extremely tired and busy. Excited and nervous at the same time.

With the wedding around the corner, really literally around the corner, I find myself fidgeting in my seat just thinking about the day I recite my vows. My auntie texted me a few days ago, and told me how she teared just thinking about how time flew. " You were as small as a thermal flask, now you are a woman, preparing the biggest day of your life."

As the day inches in, the more grateful I am for the past 6 years J has been with me.

it really made me reflect on my life and how his presence changed me.

"How can he love someone like me?"

it puzzles me even today, how he is able to find all that energy to keep up and to embrace me with his love.

Not just J, but every single bridesmaid, means the world to me and has affected me one way or another.

and today, I had the privilege to spend an afternoon with my darling Trudy, celebrating her very belated 25th birthday.

We spent a good whole afternoon doing things we always wanted to :)

Enjoying a yummy cup of latte in a pretty little place.

"The little Drom Store @ Ann siang hill"

Opening her present one by one!

hand made by yours truly :)

Then, we spent a good 20 mins looking for this place:

" Littered with books @ duxton "

But its all so worth it because any time with books is a very good time.

I love books. It is an immense love to be exact because every book on the shelf is like another world. By picking it up, its like you picked your door to an escape route from reality into another world of wonders.

I also love how the sunlight peeks right into the store, causing the smell of pages to fill the air.

Well after a very good afternoon and visiting a very inspiring book store, it reminded me why I love books so much.

I was never without books. As early as I could pick anything up, I was exposed to different kinds of books. I remembered admiring all the beautiful illustrations and wishing I was one of the characters.

I remember loving the smell of paper and my mother's voice gently reading me the books I chose before I go to bed.

I have been packing my stuff, to move over to J's and I came across all these precious books and it put a smile on my face just flipping through these books again. Mummy came by and saw me fumbling through, she sat next to me and we talked about long time ago.

One of my favorite stories.

I remember secretly crying to this story.

As I grew up, I moved on to the classics

My favorite book and series from puffin penguin.

I love how soft and elegant the illustrations are.

and my ALL TIME FAVORITE! read it again and again and again.

It is pretty amazing how my mum kept all these books neatly through these years and now that I am moving out, I need to ask a very practical question.

Where am I going to store all these??

there are more, but I am afraid to face the truth myself. Well, you see, I hate moving, but I do love the idea of starting a "place" myself but logistic wise, its a pain in the ass.

Nonetheless, I am loving this packing and sorting out time because it does reminds me of younger and happier days.

Oh well, to a happier and brighter tomorrow!

Cheerios <3

Hope you had a very good Wednesday too!

Back to say hello and then see you again soon

2011-06-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of hiatus and I am back just to tell you that I am about to leave again. this time only for 2 days :)
Will be back in a jiffy. I really need a break and do nothing at all.
Hope this trip will b e fruitful.

Before I go, here's what we did at the flea market <3

I did feel a pinch when I had to let go of many of my belongings but well, all for more space!

All in all, it went pretty well.

Have a good week you all!

Love
Phillane

:laughter, pretty pictures and melodious playing

2011-06-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

Vince Music Art Studio is in the News!

Early Childhood Music and Movement, a syllabus developed by Dr Lee Pei Ming, NUS Music Professor is now at our studio.

Read all about it here,

http://www.staccato.com.sg/news/STMay11.pdf

Less than perfect.

2011-06-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

U.S based singer Cathy Nguyen
singing a cover of "Perfect" one of my favorite inspirational songs

Enjoy:)

There is so much my brain wants to accomplish but my body is not allowing me to. I am so tired yet so driven to achieve more in a shorter time. sometimes I wish I had super power. I do still like to play pretend and put myself in another person ( or object's) position just to get through life more conveniently.

Well, Don't everyone? or is it just me?

Have you thought about it? If you could choose ANY power to use, what would it be?

Hmm, Happy Saturday everyone. It's going to be a good one if you make it good. Even if you have to work 9 to 5 like yours truly. :)

"with loving hearts and joyous song... "

2011-05-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

A week of meet ups
with secondary school friends and uni friends

With the only students in the whole level doing Arts for Olevel.

and uni friends at MBS.

its always nice to meet up though we always repeat our old stories, it's familiarity that's warm and fuzzy.

Well speaking of schools and reminiscing.
Got this from my sister's fb page. Random but i do honestly miss school.

How Much of a MGSian are you?
Check the ones you have done:

1. [x] you own at least 4 pairs of FBT shorts
2. [x] You recall the founders day when the school was vandalized
3. [x] You still believe Hock Seng recycles/d his straws
4. [x] You spent at least 1 year of your school life patronizing the red bowl stall
5. [ ] You spent more pocket money on mayo chicken and hock seng’s snacks than recess itself
6. [x ] You had 5 ting xie books so as to avoid doing correction/getting parents signatures
7. [ ] You cut queue at the Yong Tao Foo stall
8. [ ] You faked an injury to wear sandals to school
9. [x] You got away with your skirt being 1 inch too short
10. [x] Your badge was never covering the pinafore bit, it was as low as you could get away with
11. [x] You made every excuse to not change out of your PE attire
12. [ ] Monday chapels were 1 hour nap time
13. [ ] You fainted at least once during school assembly
14. [ ] You always arrived late on Mondays to avoid the ‘read Chinese/MT books’ initiative in the quadrangle
15. [x] You played pepsi cola one two three in the linkway
16. [x] The only hopscotch tiles you know are the ones in the concourse
17. [x] You got upset by ‘Monkey Girls’ School’
18. [x] You threatened a teacher that your parents will complain to XXX
19. [ ] You remember Tuesday morning devotions with Mrs Tan
20. [x] You know what KAP and BTP stand for
21. [x] You got away with eating in class
22. [x] You have at least one good friend from GB
23. [ ] You know where computer lab 4.1 is and you had classes in there
24. [x] You remember when Maple Woods was just green grass
25. [x ] You were one of the brats who was picked up by your mum/ahma everyday
26. [ ] Alternatively, you got a lift from a friend whose mum/ahma picked them up everyday
27. [x ] You used the orange pay phone by the guardhouse regularly
28. [x] You learnt “Rubber Duckie” as part of your music lesson
29. [x ] You can’t remember the second and third verse of the school song
30. [ ] You caused a chain of effect of screams because you saw a bug/lizard
31. [x ] You miss the Touch Typing program offered in primary school
32. [x] You never understood why you had to plait your hair when the ponytail reached the collar
33. [x ] You still wore coloured sports bra
34. [x] You wore shorts under your pinafore on non-PE days
35. [ ] Your class scared a male teacher away before
36. [ ] You have at least three relatives who studied/are currently studying in MGS
37. [ ] Your mum was classmates with your teacher/classmates mum
38. [x] You wore jackets in school because it was ‘that’ cold
39. [x] You miss MGS canteen food
40. [x] You had the fattest pencil case because it was stuffed with all those coloured pens and markers
41. [x] You still use the blue/black uni-ball ultra-fine 0.37 pen
42. [x] You still wear your House/PE t shirt occasionally
43. [ ] You almost gave the Home Econs teacher a heart attack
44. [ ] There is a theme song from one of the camps or REW weeks that you still remember
45. [x] You will send your daughter to MGS
46. [x] You’ve gone back at least once to visit after graduating
47. [x] Your class made a Lao Shi cry before
48. [ ] Hock Seng used to call you by your house (address) number
49. [x] You wonder why we never actually had prom (but seized founders day)
50. [x] You wish you could relive it all over again.

In a nutshell, I do miss those days. though its mostly just primary school days since i spent my secondary life in fairfield but I do vividly remember those times and even the smell of every room.

well times flies. Just to think of it, I was the second batch to use the Bukit Timah MGS. its been THAT long and I am THAT old, even my sec school has been revamped and my Uni isnt where I started.

Oh well. Happy sunday everyone.

All Pre-loved @ a fraction of the price!

2011-05-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

So j says, " I dont have enough space to house all your vanity, you have to pick sides now. "

therefore; all these

together with shoes and bags and a million other clothes and accessories
Well perhaps SOME of these will meet

Drop by if you all are free!

before I go, lets feast our eyes on some pretty pretty drawings.
I have always loved illustration,especially vintage children storybook illustration, if you know what I mean.
I came across a webblog, wolf and willow and she shared some of her amazing finds in a flea market. I adore the illustration so much, it puts me right into a fluttery mood.

and from an illustrator based in london,Katey Jeans, some of her super cute illustrations
that makes me smile because I see myself in some of her works. for example the hanging upside down girl, use to do that so much in primary school.

Have fun! :) and TGIF!

Hi there.

2011-05-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

& another behind the scenes:
Invitation sketches

Writing our story

and my attempt to work on my skin care regime.
Here's an addition to my brightening family

its always been something i wanted to try and lay my hands on. so lets see if it works.

Hope you have had something to smile about today too.
Have a good thursday in 6 minutes everyone!

" You're an answer to my prayers" when I sang it in the car, I really meant it. Love you.

happy pieces

2011-05-25T00:27:00.001-07:00

yummy fashion: taken from wolfs and willows.
Crochets&Fringes in nude.

I want the hair piece and the beach hat.

I was so excited about the pieces i had to share it with you.

Have a yummy Wednesday :)

Clocks ticking.

2011-05-23T09:07:00.001-07:00

5 more months.

I am counting down to the day. Its been a tough journey but right where we are, we are happy.

That through the toughest times, we still had each other to lean on and to depend on.

I am finally excited.

I know I found someone who wouldnt forsake me even in my weakness.

When people turn away, I know that someone will be there. When I am down and on the ground, someone was there to lay with me and tell me to hold on.

Its indescribable, how through it all, we grew stronger. Its amazing how love pulls people through.

As I put on my gown in the fitting room, I imagine that very day and I felt butterflies in my stomach because I never dreamt that this day would come so soon. That God would give me such a perfect man, that I would be so blessed to be loved.

As I choose my bridesmaids dresses, I was reminded of how loved I am and I do have many wonderful wonderful people with me, anticipating the union perhaps more than I do.

Every morning as I put on my engagement ring, I get reminded once again that someone is looking out for me, and how we came such a long way.

In His time. Many said, we are 5 years too late. But I think we are punctual and in God's perfect planning. He unveiled the goodness of my man before me each day and I can only be ever grateful for the gift.

6 years and 3 months and we are 5 months away to our destination.

I am more than happy, I am grateful for everything placed before me.

We still have much to accomplish but from here forth, we have decided that nothing else is more important than God and Jeff's presence.

So now, Count down with me. :)

an overdue preview of behind the scenes: our dinner venue.

i am excited. :)

2011-05-19T21:02:00.001-07:00

& off to the doctors again.

This isnt good. damnit.

A colourful tomorrow

2011-05-17T10:38:00.001-07:00

Breathing, the most natural thing to do has become so difficult.

With the wedding around the corner, work almost draining away all my energy, life became stagnant. It was as if I walked for days and days in the forest and came to a swamp, lost in the dark in the mist with nothing around but mud, mozzies and the stale stale air.

I struggled with my emotions, with my anger and my anxiety. Everything that didnt go my way made me a monster.

My hectic schedule seem to have come to a halt. Because I stopped. I was so tired and challenged that crying seems to be the easiest way out. In any other circumstances, I would hate that I resort to crying but in this case, I am glad I did. Because it made refreshed and awaken.

So no more. I have decided, to take one deep deep breath, stand up and walk on.

J hates it when i sigh but it sure makes me feel so much better, it reminds me that the most natural thing has to go on.

I am back on my gym routine, back to my work, having a clear plan on how I want my business to turn out, back to reading my bible, back to straighten out my relationship with J and I am back on track with my wedding preparations.

I want this to work and I want no other way but to be back.

No more swamp but a bright light for a colourful tomorrow in a meadow.

C, a place I called home for years. Its time. Time to do what is right, painful but right.

No matter how hard, I have to bite my tongue now and give you a kiss goodnight, perhaps for awhile, perhaps I might return but as a visitor. You nurtured me and played such a huge role in my 25 years. But at the same time, you tore me apart, pained and disappointed me.

For the better of my future with Jeff and God, here is a kiss to you. For everything you have painted beautifully in my life. Thank you.

For everything you have not, I haven't either so its cool. Its tough but its time.

Goodnight. Till we meet, I promise a kiss for Good Morning.

I have put the keys back to where I took them 21 years ago.

" Next! Now yes, what do you want from me this time? "

2011-05-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

I cant put words to my emotions.

I just have one question.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

A piece of me

Self-portrait,May 2011

I just want to hide. I found out how natural humans take to hiding and escaping.

Cause I never realised how calm darkness and corners can be.

or even the under table feels comfy.I like corners by the way. ( random fact )

An analogy of my life now?

I am laying on the ground, arms and legs out, facing the dirt, whispering help.

Help me gather my last few energy from my toes to ran the rest of the race.

This is too difficult.

question

2011-05-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day,

We ask ourselves,

WHAT ON EARTH

ARE WE FIGHTING FOR?

for everything but the right thing.

Keep it down a little.

2011-05-06T07:30:00.000-07:00

It is already May.

Last year this time, I was still busy with work, with jeff's 30th party, struggling with the future and wondering when we will be moving on to the next chapter of life.

Today, I am still struggling with work, family, future and now my wedding.

At some point, perhaps like now, it feels like I am carrying so many people's voices with me, ideas, shoulds and shouldnts , yes and nos, taboos, customaries so much that we have stupidly sacrificed so many things that we held onto in the past, just to make people happy.

To be honest, I am extremely defeated and tired.

I can't be more drained than now. All the pent up frustrations from all over just compiles into one huge mountain of burden hanging on me and I am extremely extremely exhausted.

I wish things were easier. I came to realize that I cant to do it alone. well at least, not anymore. Things that we have been fighting for, is it really worth it?

People that we trusted, turned around and bit us.

The place that we grew up in, no longer feels warm and welcoming but cold and foreign.

We see people's true colours.

At this point of time, all I really need is support, much much prayer and perhaps a hug will do good. Not judgements and criticism.

Some people asks, " Why are you so stressed? Is there a need to be stressed?"

My answer." Why not?"

So many reasons why we have added stress is because of our family, because we hope to please everyone but today, no more.

We are going to do it our way, a God pleasing and glorifying way.

I still have too many too many to do list that is unchecked.

sigh. flat on the ground now. somebody help.

SIGHHHHH.

Finally, I found out the convenience of the Iphone. But instead of feeling relieved, I felt the piercing pain. The pain technology has caused, the scar its addiction has carved.

hello world.

2011-04-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hello world.

Thailand has treated us well and given us ample rest and fun.This trip also made me think about our relationship and our relationship with God, at the same time, we had a Eat, Pray, Love experience, well, in our very own version.

Eat.

I have never been able to eat well. I often tell my friends that food to me, is merely my source of nutrient and as long as it fills me up, I am happy. More often than I love to, eating is a luxury because more than half the time, I dont have the time to sit down and enjoy a meal. Being in thailand, made me experience that for perhaps, my very first time.

I appreciate the colours, the taste, the spices and overall sensation and I truely enjoyed my food.

Pray.

We travelled around in taxis alot and having the luxury of time, we ventured a little further this time at bangkok. As we travelled, I made a little pact with myself to pray for the country. I do not know what exactly, but I do hope that One day, they will see that God loves them and that being poor isnt just because they have no money but also because they havent realised how much God loves them. The homeless, poor and sickly roamed around the country and took shelter at any corner they come across, they depended on stranger's act of love, or on their children to give them joy and to help them go through each day, and a part of me, really really wish they could see, that they can depend on God as well.

Love.

Being able to be away from the world for awhile together, ( unplanned because dear jasmine was called back to work :( ) made us learn alot more about each other. And each time we travel, I learn a little more about J and it made me love him a tonne more.

well, that sums up my trip to the land of a thousand smiles.

I use to frown at my friends who claims how much they love Bkk but now, I am so in love with the country, I am looking forward to going back again.

Photos in facebook. :)

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.10150232721510362.363225.785635361&l=7c33dc076c

Well with the wedding just around the corner, things have been extremely busy. Sometimes I loose myself in the midst of preparations. At times, i see insecurity surfacing, other times, I smell uncertainty. But today marks the day we begin this new journey with a brand new whiff of fresh air, with new convictions and new resolutions. Today over tao hua and a church meeting, we are more prepared to face the challenges coming our way.

6 more months to a brand new chapter.

We have faced so so many many problems and obstacles heard too much, good, bad, encouraging, demoralising, but we have crossed them, one by one.

One.

BY.

One.

and we will continue to do so, come what may.

also, this wedding, opened my eyes and showed me who my true friends are. who stuck by me and was me through this journey, who shunned away and begged not to be involved. Who encouraged and gave constructive advices, who brought us down and demoralised us.( sometimes your closest kin says the most hurtful things)

but it is a good lesson learnt no matter what. so now, just about 6 months into our big day, A HUGE thank you to our dearest and most treasured friends. we love u :)

A pause from the world

2011-04-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

To: The noisiest, naughtiest, cutest, loveliest, super irritating bunch of creative children

See you all in seven days!! WOOHOO!! no more paint stuck in nails for awhile!!

Love,

ME!!

A moment with me.

2011-04-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

Before I head to bed, let me answer a few common questions that my students or friends bombards me.

1. Do you sleep so late all the time?

Yes I do. I am a night person. often extremely awake after 11pm

2. How's your wedding preparation?

Not too bad. Still surviving :) Learnt alot of new things along the way and faced alot of challenges but its all good.

3. What's your favorite song?

At the moment : Katy Perry, fireworks, Bruno Mars, Just the way you are and Lily Allen, F... you.

4. Who is your role model?

NO one. God?

5. DO you think you are misunderstood?

more often then so, but I do not care.

6. Do you like the way you are?

I am satisfied

7. Cher, got boyfriend?

mmm.

8. What kinda people piss you off?

TOO many. superficial people, kancheong aunties, Demanding yet brainless people, people who think they know it all but dont etc etc etc.

9. Your favourite artist?

Vincent Van gogh , Leonardo Da Vinci, Jackson Pollock

10. What is your favourite kind of art?

Collage, Painting, Mixed medium

11. What do you strongly believe in when it comes to completing an art piece?

Less is more. stick to that.

12. What is your favourite art technique?

Batik, Copper tilting , Acrylic painting

13. What do you like to draw/doodle?

Eyes. I draw alot of eyes because i strongly feel that your eyes are the windows to your soul so I look into people's eyes all the time.

14. Why you put make up?

Because it IS basic courtesy

15. What is your dialect?

Hockchew

16. What do you look for in a boyfriend?

honesty, sincerity, kindness, creativity,sensitivity, support.

17. Do you like teaching?

To an extend, yes

18. What is the biggest lesson you have learnt after opening this art studio?

alot but most of all, it made me think about the kind of parent i wanna be or dont want to be.

19. What made you go on and on?

Responsibility, Love for my students and my love for art.

20. Why teach?

Because after seeing the corporate world, I decided it sucks and I decided to go back to one of my childhood ambition, to be a teacher. To be exact, I wanted to be a ballet teacher but well, this is good too.

21. Which school did you attend?

Maris Stella & Nanyang Kindergarden, MGS, Fairfield Methodist Secondary, Lasalle

22. Have you regretted anything?

If you asked me this 2 years ago, I regretted not studying harder, regretted stopping ballet, regretted stopping piano, regretted too much but the older you grow the more you realise that there isnt time or space for regrets. its just wrong decisions that can be made right. So now, No regrets.

Just some questions my curious kids or teenage students ask, well there are more but not all are to be seen.

I am just curious at how they are soooo curious about someone else's life.

but wells.

OH YES OH YES! A HUGE thank you hug to Dee dee! I am so very happy happy with my pouch full of goodies, from TRUDY! <3

I really love you very much, more casurina teh time!! :))

it ain't user friendly

2011-04-05T19:34:00.000-07:00

I've been extremely moody about things lately.

I started thinking about my relationship with J alot.

It was well, never a bed of roses.

To an extend, I felt that I might have lost much of myself, yet on the other hand, I felt that we compromised.

I use to be very independent. I believe in taking good care of myself and to stick my feet firmly on the ground, be unshaken by problems and face all challenges in stride.

I might not be as strong headed as I use to be, but aside from that, nothing has changed.

I considered my actions and I concluded. No, I have not lost my independence and Yes, I am still sticking my feet firmly onto the ground.

Perhaps my personality came off a little too strong in the beginning and many things have been taken granted for, so much that I felt that the responsibility of a man, was shunned.

I am not ashamed to say that I was a feminist and it took me a long time, to step aside and re look at my perspective to realise that I do need a someone else, in this case, I do need J.

My feminism was a result of my disability to be humble before a man, to chase career satisfaction, to accept help from anyone but myself.

Through the years, the knowledge of marriage has changed my perspective of a women's role.

Today, I still firmly believe that we should have a voice that is heard, we should prove to men, or in this case your husband that you're not a push over, that we should stand up for your rights and not submit to everything that comes in your way.I believe in using much of God given's intelligence and grace to play the role of a woman in a couple's life

Now I also believe that accepting help from a man doesn't mean you are weak. Now I see, the role of a man as well and what should or shouldn't be done.

Perhaps I was too strong headed and much of J's dependent on MY independence has been taken granted for.

Being unable to solve a problem, use to paralyze me because I wouldn't accept the fact that I can't, yet today, my willingness to open up my arms to accept advices, help and to take a step a back to accept that I do NOT know everything and it is okay, has been concluded as me being too dependent and too sticky.

In my opinion, this statement is unfair and uncalled for. It is a huge personal insult and I am extremely displeased.

I am mad, very mad, because I know for sure, that I still have not allowed myself to depend fully on anyone, and I am still trying to inch my way to being a woman that is godly, loving and in a nutshell, a pleasing wife, and that is to be SUBMISSIVE (do not like this word), yet this statement led me to reconsider my actions and whether it is worthwhile to even compromise the values that I had with me all these time.

Was it wrong to allow my man to take on his role? Is it wrong to expect my man to be a man and take up his own responsibility? Has it been such that my strong headed-ness has over "pampered" my man leading him to think/ expect me to solve all the problems in our way, and that my little little bit of dependent on him equates to weakness?

What am I suppose to do?

Tomorrow, we purchase our new flat. This flat, didn't come easy ( the government didn't make it easy, as usual, or objectively, they didn't make it easy for me - damn a load of trash ).

This flat has posed too much inconvenience, yet this place will mark our new beginning.

Such an irony.

What should I do now?

then, we laid side by side and became more in love.

2011-04-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

And,

We've been crying alot lately.

This preparation journey has been an emotional one well, don't get us wrong, we are enjoying the whole process.

But the nearer we get to the wedding date, the more we cry.

Not in bitterness, but in joy.

Sometimes just looking through random wedding photography makes me tear.

We have been so busy with each other's life, earning, entertaining, living, drinking, happening.

Reality never smacked us,till now,but in a beautiful way.

With the date in sight, I have been going through our photos, letters, smses, emails, and I teared a little bit with every bit of memory that flashes by.

Your wondrous, boundless love taught me how to love.

In you, I saw how blessed I am, I saw how much God loves me

just because I didnt deserve such a beautiful man.

My two little thank yous, might seem like such an understatement to my gratitude.

but still, thank you.

for picking me up when I was at my ugliest, dirtiest and downest.

Most of all, thank you for waiting for me to grow up.

mondays mondays

2011-03-27T19:49:00.001-07:00

Just one quick question before I head out to work.

What have you achieved so far?

I post this question to myself alot and today I have decided to share this thought which i think. to a certain extend, is important.

Well, have fun people.

its monday again. bleah.

A closet Fashion lover's letter

2011-03-22T07:23:00.000-07:00

SPRING FASHION 2011.

I have to admit, I am a closet fashion and make-up fanatic because the truth is, I do love fashion.

Some people have asked me, what is your style?

I always tend to reply casually that I have no style because I wear what I feel most comfortable in most of the time, or in another words, I am too lazy to dress up, ( most of the time )

But I am an avid fan of fashion and do tryyyyy my best to keep up with it or just to take note of it so that I do not fall behind.

though usually, I just dress according to my mood.

Most of all, I believe less is more.

So let's talk about fashion today.

Spring season this year, we are going to expect more

70's ladies trend, with a mix of sexuality and sophistication portraying the feminism era, the age where women started to stand up for their rights and begin to raise their voice to be heard.

Comparing style icon in the 70s

Bianca Jagger

today

Ferragamo evening glamour

The biker chic and yes i am IN LOVEEE with this style. makes my heart flutter with excitement. I love the zips, studs, buttons, leather and most of all the add of spunk to whoever puts on the leather jacket/mini dress or biker heels! yum

Burberry

Buberry silver motorcycle jacket

and... My personal favorites!

Buberry Biker Jacket

Check out the zips up the sleeves, the length of the outfit paired with turquoise belt. ahhh....

Balmain

there's something about dark leather that makes this jacket soo appealing. much love.

another of my favorite style is

Crochet and macrame

It reminds me of my granny's knitting and the whole hand made touch to the outfit makes me very happy. :))

Moving on to bottoms

the Capri/ cropped pants ;)

kinda suits my personality and body shape too thats why .. I not just love it but own it. :)

it not just look good on most pple( in my opinion ) but it even makes you look taller and longer so really I think everyone should own a pair of capri pants and wear it on formal or informal days

well, that really isnt everything thats going on in my wardrobe, just a few things that inspire me along the way and hope you girls enjoyed it!

Before I end, and since we are on the topic of fashion and I do realize a rising number of people asking me about good, affordable clothes, here are some of the places I go to shop

www.tracyeinny.com.sg

www.lovebonito.com

www.therobotninjas.com

http://hervelvetvase.com/

http://www.mdscollections.com/

so have fun!

xoxo!

artist quotes.

2011-03-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

"Everything has its beauty,But not everyone sees it." - Andy Warhol.

geylang sipeku geylang

2011-03-07T08:01:00.000-08:00

I spent my monday morning at Geylang with my dad,
having breakfast at one of our favourite soyabean stall.
well it use to be a stall, now its a coffeeshop.

As we drove through the streets of Geylang, it reminded me of childhood days.
This particular part of Singapore, holds a dear place in my heart and it is extremely precious. Having spent 8 years of my childhood days along the lorongs, Chinese Operas, Lion dance, loan sharks, yummy food and seeing men blatantly asking for sex, isn't something that scares me but something that I am so familiar with, it makes me feel at home.

If you'd ask me which part of Singapore I love the best, it is here.
Because the smell of the streets, the vibrant colours, the sunday prata treats and my grandfather's famous bridal and tailoring shop use to be daily routine.

Every fortnight, the Chinese Opera would set up its stage just at the lorong of my house and my dad would pick me up and put me on his shoulders so that I can get a glimpse of the traditional dance.
It amazes me how colours, dance moves and loud screeching voices can be so entertaining.

Every now and then, we see the lion dance practicing in the next street, ever so often, we hear the loan sharks shouting. Every National day, was spent by my window waiting for the fireworks when our celebration was still held at The Stadium.

Today's trip back to our favorite soya bean stall, made me miss those treasured times.

People often ask me why I feel so strongly about modernity.
It is because our culture, our memories our experiences made us who we are today and these things will not be seen by our next generation anymore. It has faded and taken over by steels, iron rods and award winning architectures.
but does these things mean anything to us ?

J and I's first date's venue is no longer around. My secondary school has been revamped and redesigned. And all these memories were created not more than 12 years ago.

Our desperate cry to be modern and up to date to increase our financial status, to create an impression, to tell the rest of the world we are strong and independent, has resulted in our lack of culture, history and a lack of a better word, backbone.

who we are, no one knows. who we were, no one cares.
Soon, this place would be all so pretentious and surface, we would be looking for the true meaning of life.

Just last sunday, I bided goodbye to my favourite hawker at margaret drive. We had our last lunch at the famous dumpling stall, and shared that moment with many of its avid fans. one of which was a old old granny who insisted in taking a photo of herself with the plate of dumpling and the stall owner. she groomed herself, dressed up, put on her lipstick, took out her pink camera,and got her helper to take a photo with the stall. All that, to say her goodbyes to this place which I am sure gave her many beautiful memories.

I did too.

Frangipanis all over the floor, decorated the lonely hawker center.

Yum to the max. The exact treat my mum brought me to when I scored my 3 As in my exam ( one and only time )

For the last time.

and for record sake, our last meal at Margaret Drive Hawker.

Sigh. It killed me a little when they decide to tear this place down and I guess it will continue to as I see it disintegrate before me each week.

oh wells, sad chapter. next page please.

sew myself shut

2011-03-03T21:49:00.000-08:00

Saying " Your eyes are the windows to your soul."

" I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel ... "
- Papa Roach, Scar

Apparently the only song that comes into my head whenever the scenario arises is this and i love how the lyrics are so straight forward and real.

In a nutshell, this journey is too long and painful. Save my soul.

Question " What do you see when you look into my eyes?"

Past vs present

2011-02-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

Taken from 987 fm Rosalyn's blog:

im alive, not dead.

coming back here sure feels strange… like revisiting an old childhood haunt. it feels like ive just stepped back into an abandoned playground. the chains on the swings are rusty, the wood on the see-saw’s attacked by decay…. there is an eerie silence and for some odd reason, my heart feels lead-heavy at the moment.

updating this blog’s been at the back of my mind every other day since the last entry. so much has happened since then but strangely i hadnt felt the need to share it immediately. what does this mean?

this blog’s helped me through some pretty dark times.. acted as a distraction when my heart was aching from love lost, kept my mind busy so i wont have time to over-analyze the littlest things. i found new friends through this little journey and even won an award thanks to your votes.

it seems almost selfish that ive “abandoned” it now that my heart’s healed. that is why im writing this. i know that i dont have to and i dont owe anyone any explanation.. but i guess i just wanted to say.. hello.

what she said is true. my blog has been with me since 2005. its been through ups and downs with me. occasionally, I dig up past entries just to see what life has put before me, how I grew from every challenge. sometimes its funny how juvenile I once was, how awkward, but I guess, everyone has to go through that phase.

So, if you have a little spare time, I invite you to walk back to those first few entries with me, to share that journey with me because most of you, would have played a part in moulding me to who i am today.

Have fun. :)

and a hello to you.

2011-02-17T00:53:00.001-08:00

I AM EXHAUSTED!
this teaching thing is taking over my life and making me fat and shabby and haggard.
and AUNTIE-ish. Never have I been bothered with getting a seat in the train until today because schools are getting further away from home and teaching started to become my work out.

I have a tonne of photos but I just havent had that extra energy to put it up either on fb or on my blog but rest assure, I still have a life. ( with the help of coffee, masks and online shopping)

well, Happy Valentines day to all you darlings WHETHER or not you're attached, married or in a complicated relationship ( as stated on fb) have a great one.
If you're single, free and happy. Happy Valentines day to you too! buy yourself a nice little trinket, light some candles at home, soak in your bath tub, snuggle in bed, read a nice book and enjoy time yourself.
celebrte love for yourself.

I think we all need to do that. Because we have always been revolving our life amoung either our work, our commitments or family. and what about yourself?

and plus, whats with the valentines day craze.
to me, well personally, its the business man who shld celebrate today. Cause all the men try their best to get something to impress while the girls anticipate the surprise.

What is this.whats the point of celebrating one day and fight like cats and dogs for the rest of the 364 days. dont make sense.

but well if you're the romantic kind who would find any occasion to shower your loved ones with prsents and flowers, well good for you.
if you're not, you're not alone.

Anyways. Its the 15th day of Chinese New year which means its the last of NEW YEAR SONGS!! yes!!! and steamboat once again tonight. :)

Have a Happy Yuan Xiao!!

xoxo

Dramatic Continuous FAIL - 中國田徑新希望！劉翔之後另一個神話出現！

2011-01-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

The title of the video should be: 不知量力

but well, it made me laugh over his amazing courage to complete the race.

I cover all the right places so you can keep your fingers to yourself.

2011-01-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

I will wear whatever I wish, do my hair however I like
wear my make up, do my nails the way I want it.

Get a wedding gown that I adore, wear it as I wish

Church, Dont judge me, because I think you have done enough.

so get off my back, because I like to show them to the world without you in the way.

trashcans full of cultures.

2011-01-25T20:51:00.000-08:00

As I was packing my study room, I found and went through some of the thesis and research I have done through my university days. I usually hold very strong feelings and believes for the topics I pick and especially the last paper, I felt most drawn to and the one that tugs at my heart strings even until today.

" The rise in modernity has led to the rise in consumer culture, and with the influence of media, it has pushed the cycle of consumerism to another height. Just as consumer culture is a reflection to modernity, modernity is a reflection to the lifestyles of many singaporeans today. We have silently and unknowingly walked into the entanglement of consumerism. With lifestyles revolving around the status, material wants and monetary satisfaction, we are walking away from reality and towards dreams and goals. Overwhelming chase for the material needs and forgoing values and morals might lead to consequences we might not even be able to bear."

" ....this hallucination of reality has hypnotized us with taglines and imagery from advertisements and media. The display of "Dream world" will continue to be the supporting factor and one of the biggest pushing power behind this endless consumer culture; and sadly, we are victims of it. "

The rise of modernity = the end of history and culture.

Every decision to tear down every piece of our culture pains me a little bit more, it is as if all those didn't matter anymore.
I see architecture and culture as a Magnificent piece of art and when someone decides to pull the art pieces down and repaint it, is extremely painful to the painter himself.

One of the most "painful" experience is the decision to close down the Margaret drive Hawker.
After eating there for 20 years, seeing farmiliar aunties and uncles moving away is a huge grief to me because it will never be the same anymore. What's wrong with keeping them? Why can't we build around them?
Why can't we work around them? Haven't their contribution to the society enough to let them stay?

If you ask me. It is all in the name of vanity and first impression the government wants to portray to the tourist and the foreign workers, that we are modern and up to date in every aspects including our landscape.
its their way of saying " to hell with old people and old values, heres what we need now so scram. "

yet on the other hand they say, treasure your elderly, they have contributed to the society. Accept them into your new world
( because we have torn theirs away ) look after your remaining culture, dont let it slip ( because we have ruined all of them )

in a nutshell, sigh.
A bunch of bullshit campaigns to cover up their doings.

bits and pieces put together

2011-01-18T23:33:00.000-08:00

12 tote bags, 6 hand bags, 10 sling bags, 3 "school" bags, 5 shoulder sling bags.
15 pairs of heels, 10 pairs of slippers
4 whole bag of clothes
3 cupboard of story book and 1 shelf of design reference books

A little peek into my amazing storing skills.
I have TOO many of EVERYTHING!

My 25 years of collection, ends here today.
well i will keep some ( not included in the amt above )
painful...

Are we looking too far away?

2011-01-16T06:31:00.000-08:00

"You meet thousands of people but none of them really touched you, and then, you meet one person and your life changed... forever"

" It's not fair because I am going to need more taking care of than you and I can't ask that from you."
" but you didn't."

- Love & Other Drugs

I met one special guy who changed my perspective of life and made me understand the true meaning of joy, taught me life's biggest and toughest lesson on love and led me through difficult times and I am very grateful for that.

The letter

2011-01-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

Dear man of the family,

I saw it with my eyes, and I will now see it through my dreams.
Your actions and your roar are like a beast escaped from hell.

You blamed your alcohol
blamed your friends
blamed the world
the society, the crap.

You still did what you did.
You threw punches to the woman you love and held her by her neck, threatened to kill just because you had more to drink and wanted to sleep.

You saw nothing of our sleepless nights, waiting for your return home
You thought nothing about our love and concerns

All you cared is about your senseless friends and you rowdy fucked up behavior.

You said if you did it again, we can do anything to you.

and You did it once again.

I saw it with my own eyes, stood between you and your prey in fear that you may destroy and tear away what you had.

You had a family, children and a woman who dedicated her life for you.
Now you have none.

Under the same roof, you no longer have my respect or my love.
Because to me, you are a wasted being causing unnecessary sleepless nights

I jolt up from my sleep whenever you come home late
I listen hard through the walls to make sure you are not creating a scene before i rest my head on the pillow each night.
We quickly protect our brothers from seeing the cruel fucked up side of you racking the place and destroying your own blessings.

I sit here today shaken by what I have witness and have calmly came to terms with myself

If I could, the person who would walk down the aisle with me and hand me over to the man who loves me dearly at the end of the year...
Will not be you because I do not respect a man who brings destruction home.

and be reminded once again, from that day on, I will remember.

Love,
Anna

- inspired by life, written with courage.

once broken, consider sold.

2011-01-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

The issue of trust has been something that we all face

Be it to our parents, trying to gain their trust or trying to get it.
or to our friends, trusting them when we work with them or to get them to trust us that we are true to ourselves.
or even to the public. trustiing that the roads are safe, the buildings wont collapse and that the tap water delivers clean drinking water. We face the issue of trust every single day whether we like it or not.

I have to.
SInce young, my mum and I have been playing the game of trust.
I tried to gain hers, she tried to make my life worst each time.
I tried to play smart, rebel yet make her believe me
of course, there were times i failed and I had to pay for my consequences. painful ones.
But grew to learn a few life lessons.

One. your mum is always smarter than you.
Two. if you wanna play games, you have to take the punishment and take it in well.
Three. Trust, has to be gained, and once broken, considered sold, you have to pay to make it yours.

I broke my mum's trust once too many times.
I wasnt the best behaved girl. I rebelled pretty badly through my teenage years and I do regret.
but I have learnt how to gain trust yet not how to trust because I was naive and I believe that everyone deserves a chance

so i fell.

I gave trust to probably everyone and everything possible because I dont see why we need to work for it.

After working for 4 years officially, freelancing for 6 years, attached myself to all different careers such as being a waitress, a sales manager, a Human Resource assistant, data entry, a personal secretary, worked in a shipyard, a boutique store, a carton office, worked with various contractors, visited numerous construction sites, a full time designer, a event planner and now a teacher, my tolerance for shit has since decreased dramatically.

I take no nonsense and I hate bad services.
in other words, I dont trust all these public servants any more and I dont trust that service line jobs provides service.
I dont trust that when I say " Please do this " , "this" will be done.
because I KNOW NOW, TRUST needs to be gained.

In any interpersonal relationship, trust is key,
I trust my friends ever so easily
some have well, sadly, gave it up
but generally, i do trust my friends.

but the thing about trust is.
its fragile yet strong.
strong enough to keep people together for years and years
yet so fragile because once you break it,

there you go.
some takes yearrs to recover.
some takes months
some, never.

so, hold it together while you can, its a life long journey, a life long lesson.
we learn to trust and learning how to be trusted.

my point is, while you have it, embrace it and think before you do anything stupid.

Have fun.

cupcakes

2011-01-05T08:04:00.001-08:00

I was determined to make my year pleasant so to begin my 2011...

1. I booked my tickets to BKK with 2 of my favorite pple.
my boyfriend and my best friend :))
cant wait for it to happen!!

2. going to bintan with J and HIS friends in jan ( YES, he has friends! )

3. GOING TO THE BEST ( probably) CONCERT IN THE YEARR - K pop - SUPER JUNIOR !!
LOVE <3
DONT JUDGE ME!

4. and got more projects pouring in and It is a good thing!

and next thing in my want list is

Leica x1.
the sight of it makes my heart pump faster. I want to hold it in my hands so badly and bring it around with me and show my leica to the world!
she takes pretty pictures too!!
She would be like the BEST new year present if .. anyone actually gets it for me.

BUT oh well.

to substitute to that, Lionel got me ONE of the BEST christmas presents EVER!!
A twin lens reflex camera!!
SUPER HAPPPPPYYYY!!!!!

THANK YOU!!! :))))

ok so much for all the excitement. Work is makiing me excited to. ( for the first time )
We've got so much planned out and its time for execution and I am so excited about the results.
anyhoo, im starting my gyming sessions again tmr and ive decided to hit the gym 5 times a week or at least 3 times haha
and get into shape. better shape.

I have a tonne of resolutions but seriously, I never believe in them. I just write them because I need guidelines to work with. I need time tables and schedules and ladders to climb. I am OCD like that.
Maybe I shld write my resolutions here so that you guys can help me keep track of it.

mm maybe.

Have a good week darlings! <3

two zero one one

2011-01-05T03:13:00.000-08:00

2011//

Happy new year everyone.

Let the brand new episodes begin.

Let's all cheers to joy and laughter and endless fun.

Let's booo to housework, work and chores

Let's just raise our head to a life time of lessons and another year of trial.

Lets gather what's left of our energy and go all out to achieve what we haven't in 2010

Let's open our hearts to expect the unexpected, to be surprised by the unknown

Let's take some time to appreciate the blue sky , the breeze, the children's singing, the flowers by the drain, the sound of rain and the smell of summer.

Let's laugh through the pain and smile through the tears.

Let's look at the big picture and be more accepting of the small obstacles

Let's not look back but forward and stride on in strength, love and compassion.

Let's praise the Lord for the things we have taken granted for and for the things He has put in our lives.

Let's cheers to a year of the unknown.

Let's do this together.

Happy 2011. It will be a better year.

XOXO
Phillane

Tawain travel log

2010-12-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

这一次旅行发现, 其实有很多美丽的东西,还在等着我们慢慢的,静静的去发觉.

所以,偶而放下脚步,也是一种幸福.
幸福就是简单,
简单就是美.

可是简单的代价是什么?

Travel log - taiwan day 03

2010-12-02T07:28:00.000-08:00

Taiwan trip - Day Three

When I say its cold, I am not kidding.

It was raining icicles, the civilians even said that this time, its going to snow early.

We drove all the way to one of the highest peak around Taroko Mountain, and it was a good 3 degree! I couldnt feel my nose after a walk around the look out.

After travelling around the mountain for half a day, we finally settled into our home for these 2 days. Guan Xin Yuan ( Star gazing garden ), its a small and cosy little resort away from the rest of the home stays.

We settled in and put down our stuff, went right to the balcony and saw the view of a lifetime.

Clouds weaving through mountains, fish scale clouds in orange blue and purple, streaming through mountains painted in bright red and orange. Autumn is such a beautiful colour.

we caught the sun setting behind the mountains into the clouds before the sky turns dark at only 5pm.

Bliss. ( Surrounded by such nature, its hard not to be in awe at God's creativity. )

Dinner was good. 家常便饭 with alot of love and warm from the hospitality.

Their warmth and kindness really puts us singaporeans to shame.

Since we are on this topic, of kindness allow me to rudely interrupt with a thought.

My dad asked " why are they so nice and honest to us? what do they get out of it? "

you know really, why do we need to get anything out of it? it should be an ought to right?

why shouldnt we be honest and kind? why do we need to take anything out of it?

I am very touched by their sincerity and warmth, it really makes me reflects on my actions.

hmm oh wells back to the trip.

steam boat!

home made steam boat in a cold cold weather really warms not just the body but our hearts. we felt the hard work in the dishes they have made and their service is top notch :)

in a nutshell, i am truly humbled.

humbled by mankind, humbled by the massive nature, humbled by love.

travel log - taiwan day 01

2010-11-30T06:02:00.000-08:00

hello world

Taiwan Travel log:

Day One!

Xi Men Ding

Getting here was.. tricky. 1 air transfer at HK and 2 long bus rides and a short walk, we finally reached our first stop at 5:30pm. ( we set off at 5:30am that same morning ), its the first time i truly felt how draining travelling was.

Nonetheless, Xi Men Ding is a busy city. lotsa shopping and food and colours, the rich culture is almost soaked in immediately. though i prolly need a lil more time to understand their street culture and their backgrounds before telling you guys about it.

Alright will try and blog again soon

its going to be another long day tommorow, be heading up to pear mountain and sight see a couple of other mountains along the way!

Have fun at what ure doing!

xoxo from taiwan

A pearl well polished

2010-11-11T02:28:00.000-08:00

Its been such a long time since i logged into this place and had a proper " conversation" with you ( whoever who reads )

( so be warned, its going to be a long post )

Its been a whirl wind on my side and theres alot of things going on around me and in me.

I was thinking about too many things and here, I shall share my thoughts with you all.

Question: How much would you sacrifice for your marriage?

I have had a long time dream. To get a PHD in Special education, a Masters in Art therapy and in the future to open a Concept Art Studio conducting art lessons for children and Disability Children, at the same time, run a bookshop for the parents and book lovers like myself.

But to attain that, I need my studies. I need to get more to give more.

Supposedly in sequence, I should get my studies done first, before thinking about the studio

but now the tables are turned ( by God's Grace ) I have an art studio to run, a wedding to plan and now my future studies to worry about.

Because to move to Melbourne ( to attain my masters )

for 2 years is not just taxing for myself but for J as well.

to start all over again, to start a life at a foreign country for 2 years,

there's s much to consider.

But if I don't take up the opportunity now, when will the time come again?

Is there a similar course that I can take locally so that is not so taxing on the both of us?

The whole process was such a challenge. To be willing to let go of the dream of getting my Masters in Art Therapy was like cutting my throat. I held my breath because I had to make a decision.

If i go over to Melbourne, what will happen to the studio? what will happen to the syllabus and the structure that we have pain-stakingly built from scratch? who will be responsible? what will my parents do during this time?

there's so much to consider, so much to hold onto, we just don know what is ahead of us. or me. what is ahead of me.

For the first time in 10 years, I am thrown back to the cross roads.

I thought it through for months, and many of you might find this decision foolish, but I have decided to give up on attaining my Masters. at least, for now. at least, not in melbourne, at least, till we have more to go on.

It was one of the most painful decisions I have made thus far. Only because I held onto this dream since I was 14. The dream to be an Art Therapist that is.

But when I said I " gave up" it meant more like I gave up holding onto this hope and dream. I have decided to submit to God. When I had nothing 10 years ago, I stood at the cross roads with much more faith than I have today.

Now that I have a job, a place to run, a fiance, a wedding ahead of me, study opportunities, yet I feared and lost faith along the way. It's strange how God puts life lessons in ways He knows we will understand. Perhaps its my abstract personality, He always "acts" out lessons for me to understand and for me to realize. One way or another, its all in abstract form, artistic sometimes and other times through a story.

Well, I finally did. I realized I lost faith a WHOLE lot of faith.

With the lost of faith comes burden, a crap load of unnecessary worrying, sleepless nights and exhaustion when we try to do things our own way, and no matter how hard we try, we realize we are still too far from target because, we can never do it on our own.

I kept struggling in my own ways to reach my goals, to attain my wants and what I thought I need, I got myself so tired with 3 jobs, a million things to do and housework and worry myself sick with my future plans, with doubts on whether I will be a good wife....

then I felt something missing in my life but I couldnt put a finger to it.

and I realized I lost my faith. Its like I dropped it accidentally in the bus.

Believe it or not, the minute I decided to "give up", and to let God lead my path ahead, I felt like a bird. I never felt like that for so long.

Today, first time in many many months, I came to church with an open mind and heart to listen. And to my surprise, I heard His words and it reached deep into my heart.

I surpassed my fear, my hatred and my obstacle and I heard.

I fell asleep along the way but I heard His voice and it sounded like music to my ears, as if He was telling me how much He missed me listening to Him.

Baptism service after church today, almost made me cry.

Because I was reminded of the day I got baptized.

That conviction and that strong faith, that I have conveniently forgotten.

Suddenly, there was wind in my hair, and a rhythm to my footsteps.

I am not burdened by my future. Come what may.

I am a thinker and I will be worried of all the little things along the way.

But one thing is for sure, I recovered my lost faith, and this little faith is going to bring me a long way.

Whatever happens, I am sure it is in God's perfect plan and I will see it unfolding before my eyes before I know it.

Answer: Everything. Even myself, because it will no longer be me but us.

Three of us.

2010-10-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

我要的答案你没有给我。

我们前面的路望那个方向？

为什么我们又站在十字路口等着风将带来的消息？

无阻，迷失，彷徨的感觉为什么一直出现？

自我跑去了那里？

自信心又躲到了那里？

我，在那里？

肩膀的重量天天增加，忽然感到疲累。

只想一个人偷偷的旅行，自己一个透透气。

one day away from the world.

2010-10-17T05:46:00.000-07:00

Too noisy, too many comments, too much mess, too many decisions, too many considerations, too many burdens, too much noise, too much judgments.

I need to be alone for awhile now.
I really do.

It's a mess under my skull and I need to listen to my own voice.

sometimes to read the fine prints, we need to take a step back and look at a bigger picture.

Katupat is a weapon

2010-10-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

September came and went and it was one of the busiest busiest month.
and no its not going to end.
F1 came and went, Evangelistic week, work, took up tuition, planned for Open House
and taught non stop and oh yes, training.

I currently took up a new course, to teach music to young children to train their right brain and motor skills and at the same time, and teach them music theory. I know sounds boring but trust me, its so fun.
I really wished I had that when I was younger.
when I did music theory when i was younger, I hated it. Never made sense to me and bleah.
now they get to bounce around, dance, play, read stories and so on.
oh wells. blessed children.
and oh yes talking about children, HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!! to all of you guys
we are never too old right?
and to my BASICS, we ARE children of God :)

and today, is the last lesson for my student Francis.
when he came in, I was a little skeptical
maybe because I am never good with teenagers, but I took up the challenge because i truly believe how much help they need in art ( just becz the school isnt doing a good enough job) and I am passionate when the child is passionate about art
so , he came, and he has such talent and he was so willing to learn.
He was such a joy to teach and I loved teaching him.
but for some personal reasons, he had to stop his lesssons.

and today, as I bided him goodbye and gave him a little present, and gave him a hug,
I CRIED. I just teared and I CANT STOP.
I know.
all the kids were like, why are you crying teacher phillane?
I must be super emotional.
hormones
but more so, I guess its really hard to say goodbye and I was really genuinely concern about his works and about him. I am sad he is gone.

sigh.

oh well it has been an EXHAUSTING WEEK
I was working 7 days a week and some days till 830,9 because i decided to teach English.
yes. laugh at me. its better than me teaching chinese or science. comeon.
my maths is not bad too! winks*

but a beautiful end to an exhausting month, jeff showed me the sweetest thing ever.

:)

October, is going to be another crazy month and I really need to slow down.
before NOV and DEC attacks me with holiday camps and the Open house PLUS FIRST YEAR BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! :)
can you believe it, its been a year! :) more reasons to celebrate

WE just need to keep celebrating life dont you think?
Give thanks and be grateful and celebrate :)

will upload F1 pics soon not that you guys are that interested cause i know u guys arent BUT i want you guys to KNOW how exciting it is for me! ( US)
ANYWAYS Have an awesome OCTOBER !

LOVE LOVE!!

Bully Word

2010-09-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

What is your bully word?
inspired by America's Next Top Model cycle 15, episode 2.

What is your bully word and what word will you use to overcome it?
My bully word or words are:
big legs, fat legs, freak legs, thick thighs, 2 bodied monster etc.

I never really thought of a overcome word but today I have:
Beautiful.

It haunts me till today, " how come with your kinda legs you can get engaged? Are you sure he dont mind?"
or like " are you doing anything about it?" or " is it in the way?" or " how come your body so thin your legs so fat? you poor thing.." or aunty walking pass whispering to her daughter " psst look at her legs ( inputs gestures ) so big! wo de ma." ...

NO i am not poor thing, NO it is not in the way, YES I am engaged and No i dont think he minds because I am more than just legs.
I have heart, lungs, arms, fingers, hair and eyes, nose, lips and tailbone.

and so what if i am not perfect. who is? and for the record, I think my legs are PERFECTLY FINE. they help me travel, ONE in front of another. They made me a swimmer, a dancer and a squash player. They helped me travel from point A to point B, they helped me chase bus, find my balance, they gave me reasons to buy more tights, to get dresses and gym passes and spa.

dont get me wrong, there are insecure times and yes i do things to make it better like gyming ( i already said ), working out and massages and all but they are the way they are and what can u do about it?
nothing. I am made the way i am and i am unique.

plus, i believe confidence = beauty ( of cz including health and character ) and i dont need them to define " beautiful" and I dont need it people to tell me HOW to be beautiful.

to be honest, it still affects me when i hear those words but i have learnt to overcome it.
Even my own family makes fun of them occasionally and it still pinches BUT we just need to know how to look away from it and think otherwise.

so there, my overcome word: Beautiful.

whats yours? share with me so I know i am not the only freak in the world who gets " bullied"

Have a Brilliant Week!

Happy Paper Boxes.

2010-09-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Happy things comes in paper boxes.

I love the post office, theres just something about it that makes me really excited
so once in awhile I try to order things and gets send to me through registered mail. just so that I can get it from the post office
( because i am never at home to receive it anyways )
and so today, i took a trip down to the post office before I went to gym
and i got my little paper box!

it isnt anything amazing, but I have been waiting for this package because i am so excited about the product

and a closer look,

my fancy headband with a tie bow and a turqoise hair clip!
all from www.gmarket.com.sg

Anyways I am so thrilled about this that i have to show you guys.
If you know me , I am pretty much a nerd.
put me in a book store or a library and its like putting me in heaven.
so J and I went to PAGE ONE on sunday and I literally felt like a kid in a candy store.
I have been there so many times but i guess I havent been for awhile and I really missed having the luxury of time to just cruise through the book shelfs, and soak in the smell of old pages and book covers.

and thanks to J, I got myself the FIRST and VERY FIRST RECIPE book.
NEVER did i imagine that I will buy a recipe book and I did.
well, its not a proper food book, just a pastry book
BUT give me credit people. I am TRYING!

( pardon the lighting My camera died so I used my hp)

Doesnt it look yummy and tasty? slurps!
SECOND book buy is this
" Today I am Alice"

its about a girl with split personalities, eating disorder and other problems because she was terribly abused by her dad and all
She is the author of this book and its like a flashback on what happened then. It is engaging and captivating, and its like I entered her life and saw the transition.
I dont know, I read books like that because I want to get to know more people like that so that I know how to help them. and this is as close as I can get for now. Its like case study to me.
( because i want to do Art Therapy and reach out to children like them. )
so, well I recommend it if you would like to know more about such real problems. but if you are super emotional, mm maybe think twice. but I love it :) Not loving the problem but that its so real and first hand.
I got scared reading it because it was that literal and vulgar.

and oh yes, a continuation of the " WHERE TO SHOP" post here are some for girls like me who LOVES painted nails
http://esprit1978.blogspot.com
OPI for $11!! because she orders in bulk and does sprees :)
Designer OPI are $17 though but still pretty cheap!!

OKays thats all ive got to share for now
my keyboard is really getting spastic, I need to get a new one. crap.
goodnight world!

shopping therapy can be cheap too!

2010-09-11T10:37:00.000-07:00

Hello world
I have been ignoring my blog for awhile, not cause my life have been boring, well on the contrary, I have been busy.
Busy shopping too.

Well September is my broke month.
and I know EVERY one feels like that sometimes
but is that going to stop you from looking around for goodies?
NO.

SO i have decided to make this a " WHERE TO SHOP" post.

so to all those girls n guys ( this is for u Thomas )
check out this site

www.gmarket.com.sg

it is my FAVOURITE this month. You can find the cheapest! things in town like genuine Benefit blushers for $12.90? ( yeah cz i just got mine! ) and like CK undergarments for $6 ( Genuine )

NOTE: please check that it is genuine by checkin on the seller ( reviews at the bottom of your product page ) and well of cz when it comes to online shopping, it is still a risk so if ure doing it for the first time, try not to get too expensive a product

anyways, I love this web now because it has all the little finds that are so inexpensive and most of the sellers are locals so u can save on postage :)

another website that i am in love with right now.
this is prolly just for the girls

is this: http://www.glitzy-glam.com

it is created by 2 sisters located in US.
its a website where they collate all the pretty finds they love and sell it everyone
If you know me, you will know, I AM A SUCKER FOR PACKAGING.
pretty packaging and there i am SOLD.
and i am NOT the most girly girl around but I have my little girly side too ( stares at jeff )
so I love the pretty stationaries, keychains, wallets and all

PLEASE let me know if you see something u like and wanna get so we can share shipping :)

ok next thing i am going to share is like TOP on my wish list.
and its this..

DIANA F+
it is NOT that expensive but i have been considering for SO LONG just cause I DO that and now i really really want it so bad i dream about it
so I AM going to get it next month! october my prolly hopefully " richer" month.

Okay thats all I have to share now, shall keep you guys updated if i come across any nice webbies! :)

love yall and hope september will be better than you august and not as poor as me! :)

XOXO

Sunday's best.

2010-08-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

" if you dont share the troubles in your life, you dont give the people who loves you a chance to love you enough" - Jed Ho.

When apples taste like bananas.

2010-08-28T02:01:00.000-07:00

She stares blankly into space, with cold shiver going down her spine.
Hands and feet turns pale and chilly.
Breath deepens and heart pounding fast. Butterflies in stomach was awaken by the astonishing news. What revealed before her was too much for her to comprehend and digest. Its all too much to handle. She threw herself back onto the wall and forced herself to turn away.

Perhaps it was. Every perfect fairytale dream was shattered. It was as if, all those deep passionate sweet promises were meant possibly close to nothing.

That moment made its mark onto one of the "most unforgettable day" section of her dairy.

They said, love covers all.
True that. Love does. Love also gave us strength, Love made us hate and experience the pain love exerts.

That second. She felt pain piercing her heart. Literally, she felt pins and needles on her chest.

But at that moment, she knew she had to hold on no matter how tough the situation was.
For her, because she loved.
For him, because he is special.
For them because they had plans, they had a future all planned out.

But right now, the moment was prolonged.
It seems a tad too far away.

She felt betrayed, afraid, shattered, hurt, disappointed and sad.
She felt as if all they had was thrown right out of the window.

That night, she found herself crying herself to sleep.
First time in many years.
But for the hundredth time, she prayed for strength to forgive and the knowledge to help and do the right thing.

Morning came.
She got up and tried to recall what happened the night before.
It didnt take long for her to feel the physical pain on her chest from all that crying and the puffiness of her eyes, and then she remembered.
But instead of feeling defeated, she felt rejuvenated, in a queer way.
She knew the right thing to do was to be strong about it, was to find that joy from within so that she could face and help him.

and she made a mental note:

" After this Magnum Gold icecream, things have to be alright."

and it did.
Endorphin works most of the time.

That night, they met.
When she saw him walking to her from a distance, she felt that familiar pain.
When their hands touched, she felt hot tears welling up her eyes, but she swallowed it all in.
When she bend forward to kiss him, she felt daggers in her heart.

and she made a mental note once more.

" This time next year, we will be happily in love once more, looking forward to a better future. Just you see. so hold on."

A peaceful Saturday afternoon.
Alone on the sofa.
She missed him badly, but all she felt was the nagging pain in her heart and the veins pulling hard into her stomach, begging her to keep those tears in.

Because honestly, pain, the only word that best describes her feelings, is still underrated.

" Why is it so painful, Lord?"
" Because you love."
" So is this how you felt when we sinned?"
" Much Worse."
" Why do you still hold on to us?"
" Because I love."

Red and White

2010-08-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

As National Day is drawing near, I shall talk about the Little RED dot.

In all honesty, NO, I am NOT the most patriotic person around BUT, I dont understand how Singaporeans knows sooo little about their own country. Simplest information that is straight out of the social studies text book as such,

1. Which year did Singapore gain independence?
2. What does the 5 stars and the red and white represent on the Singapore flag?
3. What does Majulah Singapura mean?

and locals can give answers such as.
1. 1960s? / 1980 / 1956
2. prosperity, happy, er... I dont know. Bonding?
3. Let's go Singapore.

Best still, I find MANY repeating this unforgivable mistake.

image borrowed from STOMP.
How is it virtually possible to make this mistake? Is there something wrong with your hand eye coordination or is it meant to be a mockery. I've no idea.

Another upcoming issue.
More and MORE Singaporeans are progressing from kaisu to outright inconsiderate.
and its the Aunty-ish behavior that I totally cannot stand.
Pushing, talking loudly, chopping seats, overly anxious and paranoid about everything.
just makes me soo digusted.

I have issues with densed, stupid, slow, blur and overly anxious people.
It makes life so difficult.
I dont mean to be of any offense, and I am not referring to anyone in particular but in general.
For instance.

A lady hesitantly gets on the escalator ( jamming the pple behind her cz she doesnt know where to go.)
and then after she gets off, she remains at the " grey" platform and CONSIDER which way to go, jamming the pple behind, and causing a commotion for the people trying to get OFF the escalator. and SHE, happily walks off.

This behavior: STUPID.

another instance,

A well dressed lady comes out of the toliet cubicle and when i walk in, I was welcomed by the dripping toliet bowl and the disgusting smell of pee.

THIS behavior: Barbaric, Moronic, Inconsiderate, Uneducated.

Singaporeans also tends to IGNORE rules and abide to signs.
Of course, there are so many stupid rules such as the NO drink of water or popping of sweets in ur mouth at MRTs. thats just downright stupid.

but there are some, that are set for a bloody reason.
I just came back from the night safari and WE realise that there are so many people who cant READ simple English.
NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY

HOW hard can that be? Yet they constantly repeat it.
For the benefit of the animals, for their safety, and YOUR own, in case they get agitated and attack you, DO NOT bloody hell use flash.

and people just dont get it.
these are the people who ought to get attacked by the animals , regret and then realize their folly.

Signs are there for a reason.
Even road signs.
Singaporeans just dont like to read them.

wells.
Like i said, I am not the most patriotic Singaporean, and I am sure I have done things that have aggravated the more flag loving locals but, let's face it, there is a HUGE problem in the attitude and mentality of Singaporeans these days and something needs to be done about it.

anyhoo,
Have a Superb long weekend and A Happy National DAY!!

July came and went.

2010-08-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

Hello world.
J sent me this read a few minutes ago, and after I read it, I knew I had to share it with you guys.
so take some time to read this touching and hearty story.

http://www.politicsdaily.com/2010/07/24/on-her-wedding-day-saying-the-things-left-unsaid/

As many of you would know, I just came back from Thailand.
Needless to say, it is a beautiful city.
To be honest, I didnt fall in love with it almost immediately. I took my time to observe and tasted the atmosphere a little before letting my heart and mind soak up the rich culture of the golden land.

I Love the organized mess, the colours and the unexplainable buzz around the city. Most of all, I love the people.
Their courteous attitude puts 80% of Singaporeans to shame.
Their loving smile makes you feel at ease. Back where we are, you hardly see any smiles.

With such rich culture, comes creative minds.
We saw so many awesome designers who dedicate their lives to selling their designs and hand making their ideas. With ideas influenced from their background, they take so much pride in perfecting every detail of their art piece. Everyone is made with love and passion. I felt guilty as a designer just by realizing how much effort they put into handling their designs.

The simplicity of life, made everything seem so unimportant, as if what mattered the most was whats right before them.
The kids played by the drains, teenagers shared roadside snacks, a family depending their monthly income on a small beef noodle stall by the market and all that mattered to them is to have their closest ones right beside them. We walked passed them thinking how hard and difficult their life is, and many times we say " oh poor thing." But who really needs the sympathy?
The one who can afford the branded, who cares about the latest styles yet lost the importance of kinship and left love behind or the ones who has probably so little yet have their world surrounding them?

I love Thailand.
of course that includes the shopping. But it made me feel so right.
like thats what life should really be.
Put the bombing aside, the rioting the fighting. ( truth is, it isnt as bad as it seems on the news. )
I see why people move there for good.

I want to go back again, and this time, I want to go around to explore their history and listen to their stories and venture into their thick thick delicious culture.

Will be back! :)

柴米油盐酱醋茶

2010-07-20T03:00:00.000-07:00

" You know whats the weakest organ in every human being? "
" The heart "
" Why?"
" Because you can have the wildest dreams, the biggest ambition, your future planned out ahead, goals to reach, but once you fall in love, everything can change."

Nods*

True to that.
We all have dreams, and futures and goals, but once someone special steps into your life, we are all willing to give up something just to spend the rest of our lives with him or her.
Its as if, nothing else is important anymore.

When I was young, my ambition was to be an archeologist, discover the world, discover the undiscovered.
I wanted to be a business women. Own a company, running it and achieving things I never knew I could, i wanted to be top notch, I wanted a successful career.

But now, I want a home, an average career, I want to work with children, to love and nurture them,councel them, walk them ou of their darkest times. I want to know what they are thinking. I want to spend my time thinking how I can support my future husband and my children.
I am not noble, there are things that I am still learning.

Just how love changes things.
we lost self, but found a companionship.

柴米油盐酱醋茶 all the simplest ingredients to a better future. :)

A lil whats inside your room tour.

2010-07-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

Hello world
Its been such a long time since I have written anything here.
Not only was I super uninspired, I was also busy meeting vendors and working.
Anyways to those whom I havent had the honor to meet up or catch up or to those who DO not have a facebook account...

I am engaged!! to the most wonderful and awesome man :)
and we are currently busy sourcing for hotels n venues n everything that needs to be prepared for.
Its a trying time, REALLY not a bed of roses but we are TRYING to have fun with it.

well, shall spare u guys the boring details!

ANYWAY, I have been tagged to do a video room and toliet tour.
for those who dont know what it means its to do a tour to show u guys around my room and like whats in my toliet.
For example the what's in the bag videos?
well, I never really answer to tags but since I have no inspiration and never really had a house warming since i moved here 3 years ago, I shall comply.

But I wont be doing a whole room tour, just a wardrobe and toliet " tour " ( like why call it tour man )
and its not going to be a video.
photos ah. Im lazy.

okays!
Welcome to my wardrobe.

alot of girls are mad over shoes, I on the other hand is in mad love with hats, belts and jackets.

to date, I own over 20 different caps, consisting of truckers, postman caps, japanese soldier caps, beach hats, sport caps straw hats and etc.

Over 30 different belts and too many jackets and sweaters.

To me, its an investment, to Jeff and or my mum, they are taking up too much space.

Half of my hat collections

I try to catagorize my clothes according to the colour as much as I can but i get too lazy.

oh wells.

Now to the toliet.
My daily regime before I go to bed.
I am not the most religious person when it comes to facial regimes but there are a few must dos

One, remove make up.

Its easy to use and good for people like me who just wants to get out of my make up asap. one wipe and all gone. :) very good for waterproof eye make up too!

Two
Toner. ( usually after you shower, but I am just going to show you this first. )

I have really sensitive skin, tried and tested many brands and clinque, in my opinion is the best. BUT for the toner, I am not sure, I dont see much difference and it doesnt really rids alot of residue or the unseen dirts. but oh wells, no rash = good.

Three.
Night mask.
Like I said, when it comes to facial regimes the faster that better so i like to smack on and sleep.
Its sticky but the effect next morning... I like!

Ok shower gel.
I am currently in love with Olays shower moisturizer. love the smell, the texture, its really creamy and thick.
you might not like it if you are used to the dry clean after shower feel cause this will leave you feeling soft and creamy and your skin will be filled with golden glitter dust after shower. lol. like fairy dust.

after shower,
A must do. to moisturize skin.

and I love this. Good and affordable. :)

and of cz the face too. I know many people are surprised when I tell them that i still use Hazeline but I depend my life on this.
I even pack it with me when i travel. its like the best moisturizer in town. Cheap and it really tighens ur face. good for pimples too!

For Hair,

Smells like strawberry, Nice and light, smoothens hair edges. Enough said :)

Curling cream. I just smack it on, twirl it around my finger and I am good to go. No fuss.

and I like my toliet neat and clean so there
toothbrush holders is a must. NO MOSS.

Ok moving on to dressing area.
Pardon the mess, :)

I dont have the luxury of a dressing table so I use a shelf.and I am PROUD to say that everything that is used to contain my possessions are made of recycled materials! I didnt take any detailed picture, but I have a beer carton on the shelf holding all my creams. My hairbands are all placed in an old vase. ( its in the top picture ) and lastly, my bangles are all ringed around old beer bottles!

Chio? I like it lae. :)

Oh wells, thats about all I can show you, the rest of my room is messy because my bro just messed it up.

hope you enjoyed the mini " tour" really isnt much and i am not the spokes person for any of the products but feel free to try them if you are interested! :) i do my product research before purchasing them so feel free to ask me if you need!

another long day tmr so off to zzz see ya all!

xoxo

oh yes btw, YOU are tagged to do a blog like this. but oh wells only if u have the spare time!!

Good local music on replay.

2010-07-03T10:36:00.001-07:00

Replays through the weekend:
http://www.inchchua.com/

Found her online and I fell in love with her voice, her songs, her lyrics.

Have fun guys! :) <3

SUMMER TIME

2010-07-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

A glimpse of what we did this summer.
More to come!
and, THANK you all who supported the VMAS debut mini concert, we love you A LOT! :)
Have a great weekend darlings!!

The Clock

2010-06-07T03:40:00.001-07:00

Title: An Autobiography.

Which is your favourite part of the day?

I love mornings.
When the sun first shines through the window
That's when everyone lingers at home.
Waking up to the melody of birds singing and the aroma of coffee.

Before the world wants anything from anyone.
Peaceful and sometimes surreal.
Natural, and thats when everyone is most beautiful because it is a time where people are real.

Noon.
Busiest time of the day.
Where people are pushed into reality and forced to face the society.
Its when appointments are met and deadlines are set or last minute clients call up to demand 24 hour delivery.
It's when the coffee machine works non stop and people gather at the pantry just to get away for a minute or two.
Lunch is very much looked forward to and a huge luxury to enjoy.

Afternoons.
People slow down.
Everyone seems to think that the afternoons are slow but really, they just cant wait to go.
The coffee machine never stops working, especially at a time like this.
The pantry gets busier with people taking a short break
but the difference between now and noon, is the occasional laughter.

Evenings.
One of my favorite too.
The afterwork satisfaction and the eagerness to rush home or for a dinner date with their loved ones.
whatever is it, everyone had an agenda, and they looked forward to it.
It is as if, their entire day was planned out just for that special dinner or that special someone waiting at home.
It is as if, that was the most important part of the day.

Night.
The time where togetherness is celebrated
with family, with a wife or a husband,
with friends
or just with yourself.
A time where couples made love and friends shares laughter and tears.
Night. where things happens and to some, the beginning of a party.

Which is the favorite part of your day?

I see alot from here, I hear alot too.
well, I am just here.
The occasional glance is all i ask for. the one second of attention.
Yet sometimes i ask for more.
I yearn for the touch, I want to be acknowledge
It is like everyone took me for granted.

then one day, it happened.
my biggest dream was about to unfold before me.

When my hands starts jittering and my arms hurt. my face itches and my back is sore.
my hands. they're so tired.
just as i was about to give up on life, i saw her.
She looked at me for the longest time before she walked over to me with a ladder.
Slowly, she reached out and took me in her arms.

I felt like the world has stopped and time came to a hault because I was in her arms.

Then she reached into my heart and for a moment I died.
But before I knew it, she gave me back my life.
She gave me a new heart. I saw her eyes light up as she wiped the dust off my back and looked at me proud.
When she smiled, I melted.

My hands worked again and I was determined to work harder than I did because now i know, how important i am in her life.

I am still here. Still watching, still listening, and enjoying her occasional glance.

which is the favorite part of your day?

one sentence, one word answer.

2010-06-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

"I knew my answer 5 years ago."

In His time.

2010-05-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

I know i havent blogged in awhile.
I just wasn't inspired to write.
too many things have happened and is going to happen.
some things has changed.
namely, the colour of my hair is slowly turning white.

perth was refreshing and fun <3
some things have changed since our return from perth.
and THIS thing has caused a tremendous spur of commotion back home.

theres a huge road block and though the future is exciting and unveiling slowly but steadily, the road block needs to find a way to roll itself away or we will have to gather all our strength to push it away.

june is going to be a crazy month.
so is this entire week.
btw, I am back doing events. not full time, just onsite running the event on the day itself.

well, theres so much going on right now and trust me, I would love to let you guys in
but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I am unable to do so.

im happy yet troubled. do you feel me?
nah i guess not.

sigh. tell me when this commotion is over.

JUST CLICK THE DAMN REPLY BUTTON

2010-04-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

before I start my day with a million things to do.

I realised a few things that people fail to do these days.
I have been sending out a couple of emails / sms / instant msges in gmai
regarding work, leisure,plans, to friends, to colleagues and many more.
and after planning out schedules and things to do, taking a good 30 mins to type an email ( just so it says what i want it to say and that the other party would know what i am talking about )

i sent it out.

IN HOPE

of a reply.

not because I am high and mighty and NEED someone to response.
BUT BECAUSE, IT IS BASIC ETIQUETTE to do so.
to let the person who has sent the mail know that YOU have received it. that YOU have read it and that YOU will OR will not be present OR IF YOU will or will not take the job.

BASIC ETIQUETTE and above all, COURTESY.

We dont have to teach that do we?
being adults now.

I stress this because this has been an ongoing problem.

Technology has already made so many things so convenient why cant we just REPLY.

Respect, the person who sent the mail
Know that it took effort and time

Be courteous and acknowledge their mail/ sms
and let them know you have received it and READ the content

READ: as in noted all details*

I write this not to put the finger on anyone but to remind all of you who reads my blog, including myself that
it is ONLY right to reply any instant messages sent to you and not have the other person wondering if there's anything wrong with the internet connection.

IF the other party can take the effort to TYPE out an email / sms, PLEASE use the same effort ( or less ) to return a mail / sms stating that its been received.

and just in case you dont know where the REPLY button is,
its right here!

do it TODAY.
sigh

Conclusion: ETIQUETTE needs to be taught.

I apologize if this post has offended anyone. I am hardly rude and straightforward unless I really have a point to make and this is one of the few rare times especially when THIS point is getting out of hand and we need to put a stop to it.
So bear with me for this post. i am still nice and I still love all of you.

A taste of happiness

2010-04-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot lately.

and I want to post a question to all of you.

What makes you happy?

I have been trying to find ME time for myself lately and having some me time, isn't as simple as pickin up a book or having a drink by yourself.
its doing what makes you feel good, putting a smile on your face.

so here's a list of what makes me happy.

1. polka dots. its just instantaneous!
2. balloons! .. i know, i am 24 this year and yea... I still loveee balloons! :)
3. turquoise. i LOVE this colour. I dont quite know why but it makes me very happy. ( maybe tts why I like tiffany & co )
4. colourful candies : EVERYONE Loves this!
5. Singing in the shower: yeah i am guilty of it but it makes me feel good :)
6. cups. I have this fetish for cups and mugs and tumblers. i use to collect them religiously until my mummy started grumbling about the space limitations in our kitchen cause i used up 3 and a half cupboards.
7. Books. I AM a proud nerd. yes i am. i love the smell of books and feel the pages between my fingers. :)
8. hair clips. :)
9. my secret guilt favourite childish character: little twin stars. they are SO UBER CUTE!
10. Hellp Kitty. I finally finalllllyyyy admit it to myself. YES the only reason why my heart starts pumping so fast when I walk pass a kitty shop is cause I do like them. but not the pink ones. but the red classic ones.
11. puppies.
12. terapines
13. whimsical illustrations
14. paint brushes
15. painting.
16. ribbons! pretty pretty ribbons!
17. dinner with my darling cousins. the 3 of em, makes me laugh so hard my intestines knots up.
18.granny! i lloooveee my grannnyy
19. Jeff , no doubts about it.
20. COOKING.
( and alot more but lets just stop here for today )

HA BETCHA ALL DIDNT KNOW!! I DO ENJOY THIS BIT. ALTHOUGH, i dont do it very often or dont very much know how to.
i dont cook cook, i just enjoy making food for my loved one.

so here's what I did last friday.
( sorry for the blur pics, my hands were oily and I was "struggling" with the camera )

bought a bar of chocolate

melt it with boiling water

prepared my korea imported strawberries

dipped it with the melted chocolate

spotted a "walking" strawberry!

and finally, leave it in the fridge!

the results?

yummmyyy!!!
and a mini pinic over at J's :)

only have pic of me devouring my own strawberries because he didnt want me to take his just wake up face. lol

so, try it this weekend! its yummy good and healthy too! :)

alrights thats all i have!
oh yes, share with me what make you happy. i want to know :)

have a great week ahead!!

xoxo

smell the love in the air

2010-04-04T08:14:00.000-07:00

Hello!!

I promised a post on my dental trip, so here goes.
I have been having aching pain on the left bottom side of my teeth.
its the kinda pain where its NOT the OUCH pain but the irritating, achy feeling that i hate , and when i take a harder bite on the left side, i can literally feel my nerves poking me

so, i decided to take a trip to a dentist.
As it was aching pretty badly that day, i wanted to visit one ASAP, ( and it extremely hard cz all the appointments are pre booked)
so i called up about 10 dentist, and finally managed to get
ONE Slot at

Dentist @ Orchard.
checkem here!

http://smiledesignstudio.info/dentist.htm

They are pretty awesome actually with not too bad service. ( which I like! )

The dentist came along alll chirpy and smiley, (plus points here)
greeted us and directed me to his room.

it was spacious, with lots of sunlight ( plus points cz i like the sun)
and made instant conversation!

this is ultra important to me because i like medical experts who explain to their patient what exactly is going on.
I mean, thats why we went to them in the first place right?
and having had 2 years of braces on, visiting the dentist once a month last time, i see the importance of a friendly dentist.
not that I am particularly afraid of them, I just like to know what they are doing to my mouth!

anyways, so he started talking,telling me abit bout himself and made the effort to know more about me,
before we got down to business.

( after a quick review.. )

apparently,
I have a broken wisdom tooth.
well, this came as a surprise because, i didnt even know that my wisdom tooth have grown. and the best thing is, I dont need an op for it! YES!
but the bad thing is, I broke it.
dont ask me why, how, when, what because i dont know. no clue. negative.

although the sound of a breaking teeth is prolly as loud as a gun shot in the mouth ( according to the dentist ), I have NO idea when it happened.

strannggeee..

besides the broken tooth, my third tooth from behind has sunken into my gums, causing my nerve to ache when i bite!

( amazing. the things that goes on in my mouth that i dont know of. )

anyhow, so the verdict...

I clench my teeth too hard!
can you believe it? thats the verdict! just cz i clench it too hard! thats all!!

so this is the analysis

stress + little sleep = Clenching of teeth = bad sleep = backache = huge jawline ( muscle growth ) = eyebags = bad posture.

so my years of battling with my bad sleep and my strange dreams have to do with my clenching??
hard to believe but it does make a lil sense.

so u ask, whats the remedy then?

sigh. A $450 Mouth Guard.
yuppers.

( NOT inclu of GST yet )

ohhhh welllllll... we shall see how it goes.
im going to collect it tmr and try it out!

but on the whole the experience was good.
the place was comfy and the service was brilliant and most importantly, the dentist was a happy man.
so the next time u guys need a dental check or a "mouth guard "

check them out.
location: 51 Cuppage Road #01-08 Starhub Centre

Okays enough about gums and teeth

PICTURE TIME!
J and I, took a half day off last wed and ventured into RWS.
he's been there done that, gone into the universal studios ( with his company )
so that day he took me, the sua gu, for a look see! and i like what i saw!

well as you can see, i just bought food after food after food. candies after candies and all i took photos with was with the candy store :)much love!

and then on friday we went to celebrate little kesiah's birthday at the ZOO!

heres some preview edited shots

took the boat to the party place. :)

the super prettyy birthday cake!!

and the gorgeous birthday girl :)

tts all for now, will upload the rest of them on fb when im done editing.

alrighty, before I go, congrats to Chua Zhiqing for finding your handsome prince FINALLY ( although mine is like more handsome ) n u have a tonne of explanation to do when u return and Hua Hua gong zhu for finding your prince charming too ( once again, mine's better! )

xoxo

seeyall!!

dreamy dreamy

2010-03-23T23:09:00.001-07:00

heyall,

I havent been blogging much lately because every spare time i have, i am either spending it with the bf or with my dreams. and yes i have been having realllyyy strange dreams.

so strange and colorful and strong and whimsical, so i decided to do an abstract piece of some of my dreams. just to summarize what goes on in that brain.

usually inspired by pop art or avant garde, sometimes realistic and sometimes a whole blur.
my dream often reflects my emotions, deepest thoughts, life , ambition, love and so much more. usually strongly coloured with bold solid colour tones to determine my feelings and my emotions. black and white dreams are not so frequent but it may happen in a segment of my dream just rarely entirely.

well mostly, i wake up really tired because my mind never sleeps, i will be either running away, climbing huge poles, running up stairs facing many doors, seeing faces, turning upside down, and i often wake up startled like a sudden swwooosh back to reality.

like i dream of hugeeeass birds flying down on me when im crossing a fragile wooden bridge, and below me, are volcanos and larvas and cliffs and all that.

or that the flyer has stopped ( which it did ) and i was on it and one cabin flew off the structure and rolled onto the roads and i was driving it in the end.

i remember praying fervently every night asking God to take these dreams away because I would rather live to be less creative and sleep in peace but,i guess I am glad He didn't. :)

well no one knows why but, heres what goes on inside.

well dream a lil dream of me!

talking about dreams. when i was younger, i always dream to be a teacher or an artist.
more specifically, a ballet teacher and to have a studio exhibiting my art.
but i have since broken too many bones, twisted my back and well the list goes on so ballet teacher no more.
but i am still a teacher.
many teachers walk into class demanding the lessons be taught through and thinking that their jobs are done. but think not.
a teacher is to not just impart knowledge but also to teach life lessons, inspire and create.

on monday when i stepped into newtown pri for class, i saw a boy, sitting in a corner, fear filled his face.
he was obviously troubled.
no one asked, no one cared.
he was always noisy jumping ard, fooling ard but that day, he sat there shivering.
while the assistant teacher was teaching, i walked over and asked " whats up? "
and without further probing, he said " im scared. im going to get caning."
" why? what did u do? "
thinking that he is ONLY a P2 kid why on earth or what have he done to deserve such a public humiliation?
" i said something wrong. a vulgar word and the dicipline master is going to cane me today, he said so."

i had a lot of questions in my head. is it possible?
he prob dont even know the meaning of the word.
caning? at his age? this is ridiculous.

and well, it is for real.
his form teacher walked up to the class 5 times that day reminding them that someone is going to get caned today and they all shld just " shut that trap " ( her exact words ) and be good.

then he cried. he said " teacher phillane, i am scared" and he sobbed.

my heart ached. what have he done? to deserve such fear and such a cruel punishment at his age.
and what is this teacher doing humiliating him time and time again in front of the class and reminding him of his fears?
even if he did deserve that, shouldnt it be enough? is there a need to "flaunt" the punishment in front of the class?
I was angry but what can i do?

so i took him to a corner and told him a story
" i know ure scared, i would be to. but if u are really going to get caned, because u did something wrong, then face it its the consequence but make sure u learn something out of it. I was caned so many times when i was younger. and it made me who i am today. so be brave. "

he looked at me and nodded slightly.

I left that day at 10 am after my class, i dont know if he was really going to get caned but i know, he did learn his lesson. from how remorseful he was to how afraid he became. its enough a punishment for that 7 years old.

well, honestly if u ask me, i think alot of teachers are wasting that MOE spot, being there just for a job or the money. but what can i say? its a disgusting world out there.
but of course, there are inspiring teachers too that i am very grateful of who taught me so much.

anyways picture time!
my P2 class

performing and showing off their puppets and self made stage

the hand puppet

and the

shadow puppet

and all that goes on.

thats all i have for now, stay tuned for a post on my dentist trip and that HUGEEEE HOLE in my pocket now!!!!

love ya all sneaky readers. but thanks for all the encouragement u guys left in my msn and emails and smses after reading my blog.love u all!!

the sex addiction.

2010-03-11T20:27:00.001-08:00

Jack Neo and Tiger Woods has taken away too much limelight.
What have they commited?Probably a sin most or perhaps ALL men have or will commit.
so whats the big deal?

When I mean adultery, I mean, not just physically, but mentally and visually as well.
which includes, pornography, lusting over girls on the streets, and all the other filthy things you can think of.

so, here's the deal.
I personally believe that every man, will commit adultery at least once in their life.
( which includes the above )

because I am certain that they would not be satisfied with just ONE woman.
because we will grow old, fat, saggy, ugly and maybe even smelly.
how are we then attractive to these man when we are 50 and old and haggard?
Unless we take the effort to dress up, to slim down to do our hair and to smell good.
but unless we take the damn effort you see.
for men. to satisfy their eyes, nose, hands and erhems.

if we are left the way we are, will they still be attracted to us then?
then u may ask, why should we attract them?
right. why should we? if we dress up, smell good, do our nails and hair, its all for ourselves because we shouldnt please anyone.

so back to adultery.
there would come a point of time, where the man will get sick of the woman. or perhaps sick is too strong a word to use.
they want something refreshing.
i mean we all do right?

I have heard ONE TOO MANYYYYYY stories about men like that.
whether they are 20 or 60, lust, WILL be men's BIGGEST weakness.

just because jack neo and tigerwoods are celebs, they get all the attention.
and when they get humiliated, the media says this,

" Golfer Tiger Woods' admission that he is undergoing therapy after having adulterous affairs has focused attention on the issue of sex addiction, a condition some experts say is becoming much more common."

yup blame the sex addiction. blame the ladies who put on skimpy clothes. who wears tubes and mini skirts.
i agree, wearing such would create temptations and troubles but i know of men who likes girls in jeans because they think its sexy.
i also know of men who like girls in overalls, because they can "mentally undress" them better.

so girls are not suppose to wear jeans and overalls too? the most covered up thing ever designed?
If you ask me this is just a bloody excuse. altogether.

honestly i think i tudongs can be v beautiful too. it brings out the bone structure of the lady and gives her an extra edge and i know many malay ladies who wears the tudong very well and it is, undeniable beautiful.

before we carry on, lets take a look at the definition of sex addiction.

The term "sexual addiction" is used to describe the behavior of a person who has an unusually intense sex drive or an obsession with sex. Sex and the thought of sex tend to dominate the sex addict's thinking, making it difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships.

Sex addicts engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior and blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions.

Sexual addiction also is associated with risk-taking. A person with a sex addiction engages in various forms of sexual activity, despite the potential for negative and/or dangerous consequences. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and social life, a sexual addiction also puts the person at risk for emotional and physical injury.

If you ask me this is just a bloody excuse. altogether.

anything excessive would ultimately become an addiction.

excessive chocolates, excessive cleaning, excessive tapping of fingers, excessive rubbing of nose etc.

imagine having therapy for all that.

honestly. its just about self control. if you allow your body to do as it wishes, you can jolly well see a cat and get turned on and we will have millions of zoo piles in the world.

Sex addition is just a stupid excuse to cover up for the humiliation and the embarrassment they have put themselves in.

and so are the women entitled to forgive and to let go JUST because it is such a common mistake?

no. in my humble opinion, they should all be killed.

nah im kidding," its against my vow to kill living thing"( taken from alice in wonderland )

but they should make these man's life a living hell from that day forth.

though said easy, most women's love for their men, will overcome all that wrath n they will just let go.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

~Roseanne Barr

so take the damn power and move on, we wont die without men like that.

breathes*

ok, essay vomit. what a relief now.

all in all, if men can be bastards, women can be bitches too. so watch it.

I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. ~Madonna Ciccone

and adultery should seriously be made a crime.

tucked in a tiny pocket, sewn to the back of my heart.

2010-03-11T05:17:00.000-08:00

Thursday
11th March 2010.
Hazy. Sunny.Hot.HUmid.

This week has been SUCH a busy week.

from endless schools to go to, waking up at 6am, planning our March holiday workshop next week to design projects that are all due by end march.

I am filled to the brim with work yet at the same time really excited about the results of all the projects.

today, was no different.

I woke up at 6am, got dressed, bunned up my hair and got ready for school.

took a ride to Serangoon Secondary School for their Encaustic art workshop, had 3 consecutive sec 2 class, rushed out at 1:30, grabbed a quick bite and head down to De Yi secondary for Woodcraving workshop.

by the time I end my teaching routine, it was 6pm.

I was exhausted, my feet ached, I was so hungry and did I mention tired.

all these time with my design job at the back of my head because I know my day doesn't end after the bell rings, it ends prolly later tonight at 1/2 am.

but all through this busy day,

screaming, shouting, laughing, encouraging, chasing, teaching, demonstrating, rushing, running, getting lost in schools, there was one thing on my head.

today is the 11th March 2010.

It is the 5th death anniversary of a very beloved and special friend.

I couldn't make it down to the crematorium this morning although my heart did take a trip down.

For a moment I pictured myself standing in front of the stoned wall .

I was flooded with memories almost instantaneously, almost too overwhelming.

it's as if I have stored them up somewhere in a pocket at the back of my brain all these times and just when I decided to rack it up, it came flooding through.

From our last lunch "date" to hooking him up with my uni mates, to movies, east coast bike rides, phone calls at 12am, smses in the middle of the day and as strange as it sounds, that very brief birthday kiss he planted on my cheek when we were 14.

Undeniably, I miss him.

every conversation about him, involves 2 painful words.

" could be"

" He could be here right now."

" He could be in University now."

" He could be... "

I am not exceptionally saddened, or emotional today.

I guess we have all moved on.

but today, this nagging feeling tugs at my sleeves.

this nagging, memory filled pocket just wants to be spilled.

Just today.

so one minute of silent for this very special friend.

" Xin yi, you are a very good friend. a very special friend to me."

" So are you."

right there, you'll always be right in that pocket.

one little girl took a bite and took a piece of my heart with her.

2010-03-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

In all your years in school, have you felt like you have disappointed a teacher?
I have. and I know I have even before the teacher says it because you know the kind
of expectations the teacher has for you and you knew, you didnt reach it.

but have you thought about how the teacher felt?

Now as a teacher, i have my own expectations for every student.
I know their potential and I want all of them to do their best in their performance and I have planned out individual work progress so that they work towards their best.

and i felt what it was like to be disappointed in a student.
to my surprise, its alot worst than i thought.

because to a certain extend, I am upset with myself.
there was so much i could have done, theres so much I wanted to do but i neglected.

in a class of 40, i always took the extra effort to walk to the back of the class to make sure the quiet boy in the corner gets my attention.

I try my best to take the effort to give my attention to every single student in the classroom
but here in my own little studio, i neglected one little girl.
one special student.
and her decision to leave, made me wonder if I could have done anything better.
I wasn't upset about her going to another art studio, I wasn't sad because she had to leave but because I realised,
all she wanted, was a little more from me.
and I overlooked it.

and I thought the disappointment from my event company or my previous design firm was bad, this, bit me right at my heart.

and above all the disappointment, I was angry with myself.

If there's one thing I wish I could do right now.
is to apologize to this little girl and at least let her know, that my negligence didn't mean i loved the rest of my students more,
but because I ASSUMED she could handle it on her own.

ASSUME. indeed. making an ass out of u and me.

it takes a bite to make me realise that even when i thought i have given my best to every student, I still need to give more.
and more doesn't just mean more talking, more hand in hand learning journey, its more love.
because just as i thought I've loved them enough, its never enough

and I want to love them more.

you light up my life

2010-02-23T20:59:00.000-08:00

18 feb 2010.
and we are five. :)

we havent had much time to " date" ever since we both started working.
we still do meet up pretty often but it has became such a matter fact. so last thursday, we set off for a quiet dinner at a french restaurant at Dempsy. ( will give you guys the website later )
it is a cosy little place with pretty decorations and atmosphere. its like tranquility in the middle of town. which is good.

I havent felt like that for prolly years? it really literally felt like our first date.
my heart was racing, i couldn't breathe very well, i couldn't find much to say at first because I was so drawn back to how it was like 5 years ago.

in J's car on the way to the restaurant, I secretly took a trip down memory lane.

though i am not much of a sappy person, i never fail to tear when i think about how much he has sacrificed for me and how much his love has helped me overcome so much in life that i doubt i will be able to by myself.

have u ever felt that no matter how hard you try, your love for the other person may never match up?
this is how i feel constantly. and thats how much he loves.

J got me the nautica watch. i used " the " because its the one that I like and its also the one that i almost got for him for his present! :)

and i got him some funky polariod! haha hello kitty!! laughs!!

well, if you guys have the time, go check out the place,
good french food, nice ambience, good service ( though a lil slow but i guess its the french way of enjoyment )
its a tad expensive but once in a while, we all need a treat :)
check it here!
http://www.aupetitsalut.com/

spent last weekend at chingay.
never a majoy fan but this year's chingay was pretty cool.
one of the better ones ive enjoyed :)

It was quite an experience although most of the cars and deco is the same but well, i think they did a pretty good job this year :)

anyhoo, on our way home, we saw HER! ha a hip, trying to look slutty aunty dancing away to the line dancing activity.
cool granny!

besides fun, this week, i was invited to be with a muslim girls home, and engage them with 2 to 3 hours of art workshop
it was more than I had expected and the girls are really friendly.
as we talked and exchanged ideas or get to know them better, i realise how much i was learning from them.
and i am so humbled by alot of their backgrounds and experiences in life despite their very young age.
some are really as young as 12.

but it was an experience and a stepping stone to goals.
and i have a clearer picture now about what i wanna do in the future.
though it was only a short contact, i am intrigued to learn and know more.

i would really wanna show u photos and to bring you through a visual walk through but to protect their privacy and their identity, i will only be showing you some carefully selected photos.

not bad right? :)

alrights, alot of work to do but im getting lazy.
enjoy the rest of the week!!

xoxo
Phee!

tiggerrrrrrr

2010-02-16T18:48:00.001-08:00

TIGGER YEARR!! ROARR!! ( yes i like to do that )

At a blink of an eye, i have passed 2 cycles of the tigger year.
It hasn't been an exciting 24 years with lots and lots of ups and downs.
12 years ago, I was still struggling with PSLE and complaining about the homeworks and tuitions,
trying to fit into cliques and to find my identity.
I was trying to prove to my mother and to gain her love and her respect.
I was crying in corners every alternate night because I thought she didn't love me.
I was afraid of her yet I waned her to love me the way i wanted to her to.
It has been a struggle.

12 years later. I am 24.
I'm done with my degree and wore my grad gown, done my mama proud. ( or so I thought )
and now I am struggling with a whole new challenge,juggling work, life, relationship, friends, family and loads more.
but one thing's unchanged.
my constant desire to gain my mother's love and respect.
but theres a slight difference.
my desire to gain her love and respect is now for selfish reasons.
its to prove to her that she has been so damn wrong all these years and that I have become who I am because of her, because of her insults, criticism, verbal torture and sky high expectations.
to show her that she is not as great as she thought she might be.
i want her to know that I am what I am today because of my own hard work.
i want her to appreciate me and to realise that I am capable of achieving things once i set my heart to it.
and no doubt, its still a struggle.

by the time another 12 years go pass, I will be 36.
its a scary thought. but we'll just live each day hoping things would get better ( as in me and the lady )

and I am afraid.
because I want to love her.
to love her genuinely, because she is lovable.
i want to love her and to love her the way she wants to because she is deserving.
but now. my affection is only based on the born with relationship that ties us together.
because she is the one that gave me life.
for that ONE simple reason. I HAVE to love her.

I dont want to " HAVE to" i want to " want"
oh wells. that aside.

picture time!!
I didnt take a lot of pictures this new year was too lazy to walk around and adjust the camera.

my granny spent a good one month decorating and prep for new year. for that, she made me take pics of her pretty home. laughs. btw i love how she sees the pics and smile proudly to herself. :)

alright thats all i have. :)
see you guys ard! back to work now!!

dong chiang!!

2010-02-10T08:20:00.000-08:00

Happy new year my darlings!!
since CNY is ard the corner, lets talk about some must haves!!

anyways, my lack of post is a clear evident of my SUPER packed schedule and OVERWHELMING workload.
and even in the midst of my busyness, i found time for spring cleaning.

before we go on, let me tell you guys a lil bit of the house rules over here.
spring cleaning, isnt just wiping the dust off your table, or stacking up your books.
its massively moving out your cupboard, taking EVERYTHING out from your cupboard cleaning every corner and washing every single book, pin, pouches, whatever you name it.

then after shifting everything out and puting everything back in, its serious cleaning time. cleaning the ceiling fans,standing fans, chairs, tables, shelfs, window grills, wall, ceiling.

so. today i had my PART 4 spring cleaning done and im very sure i have a part 5 coming up.

well its a love hate thing.

when it comes to Chinese New Year, i am pretty traditional.
so yes to spring cleaning but BOO to ruined nails!
not a single speck of dust is allowed. snap!!

next up, new year clothes.
I know not many people still see the importance or the need to g et brand new clothes, shoes bags and all for CNY but i Do.
and to me, thats piority.

its like a brand new year and to me, dressing up nice and having on new clothes for what used to be ALL 15 days, now just 3 days, is super important.
its a family up bringing I guess.

we were made to dress up even when we were at home! with new dresses, new shoes, new undies, new nighties and all sorts.
and for all 15 days!!

but now, since i buy the clothes myself, just 4 days is good. haha

Next, chinatown!!
its like a ritual now. every single year, we would trot down to chinatown to get goodies, feel the cny atmosphere and soak up the festive mood.i love it! and i love to walk down the street with J and have fun! we can do it every year and its still a Must do!

and then, day one of cny.

its always breaks with granny with her traditional nonya porridge its one of the things i look forward to all the time!
i love all the traditional nonya yummies!!! slurps!

ok... then the rest of the day we'll SMILE till our face freezes.
( with a family of more than 70 people. yea you smile till you cant feel it )

well thats about all i have now.

so hope you guys had fun preping for cny!
and HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody!!

love you all!!

RA RA RO MAMAMA RO MA RO MAMAMAMA

2010-01-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

hearing aid: lady gaga
mood: ----- and somewhat hopeful

i have 2 new design projects, 2 teaching projects at 2 different primary schools ( a new program set up encourage presentation skills and reseach through art and interaction with children ) , 1 art studio to run (obviously), 1 year long project with maris stella high primary starting February 4th and summer camps to plan, students progress books to update, art pieces to grade, studio blog to update and the list goes on and on and on

BUT phillane has lost HALF her motivation and has almost NEGATIVE inspiration.
and its NOT A GOOD THING
i am not exactly overwhelmed, i just feel like i need a direction i need to be motivated

i love my job ( and this 4 words didnt come easy )
i love it
i love the children, the thrill, the challenges, the satisfaction from clients, i love the architects, the carpenters, the everything but i think i have dried up quite abit, i feel the need to be back in my books
reading and storing up energy and inspiration.
i feel the need to run to borders, to museums, to schools to pump myself up with more ideas, creativity, enthusiasm and energy

i want to deliver more than what i am doing but i feel like i am falling short of myself.

and i want to achieve so much more.
and so the whole of next week, i am going back to pumping up.
after work to borders, page one, baasha, whatever it takes to make me feel like i have , so that i can give to my children and my studio again.

I feel the need to become more so that i can give more, and i want to reach for more.
its just not enough.

perhaps i want more out of life.
perhaps i want more out of myself.

and believe it or not, i feel the only way to get my energy back is to set my feet to jogging.
well i would say dancing anytime but i haven found the right school to do it so right now, jogging will do.

so tommorow, i am going to jog my ass off and well i do the most thinking when im at the gym or swimming or jogging anyways so u shld have guessed, i havent much thinking going on for awhile :)

breathes.

okay its only january, much more time to set things straight so.. LETS GO!

pisses pisses pisses

2010-01-17T23:09:00.000-08:00

RARRR sickened shit by trivia issues.
CANNOT STAND THIS.
i fucking need break from this.

i have a few pet peeves
one major one.
please pardon me for this but i HATE stupid people.
i hate it that they keep forgetting certain issues and i hate that they dont understand the system.
i HATE it that they don't seem to see where we are coming from.
and even more, I HATE people who dont know yet they PRETEND THAT THEY KNOW.
it ANNOYS me to the MAX.

DIMWITS!
i hate it when they have negative design cell YET they want to make all the DAMN creative decisions.
i hate it when they know NOTHING ABOUT THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE yet they INSIST in editing the proposals and come up with shit headlines and paraphrases.

it pisses me off even more when they think that eveyone else are the stupid one.

dimwits
morons

work wise, i cannot work EVERYONE. pisses me off.

best of all, i am NOT talking about my employees.
if you know what i am talking about, please pretend you dont.
just allow me to vent it all out once and for all.
because i have HAD ENOUGH for awhile. i just need to move on in my career which i thank God i am.

ARGHHHHHH COME ON!!!

have you been listening?

2010-01-13T23:19:00.001-08:00

Being a teacher, its a joy to see my students enjoy themselves during class.
when parents come into the studio, they come with a heart to know.
they want to know what we can give their children and what they can learn
a usual conversation would be

" what time slot do you have ?my child is very busy
she has ballet at 9 , abacus at 1030, math at 1:30pm and so on ..
so can i squeeze her in at 12:30 just before her math and chinese tuitions? "

or

" my child is very talented she can dance, play violin and draw very well but i dont know how so can you guide her? she practices her violin everyday for 4 hours and on weekdays the whole day, so her art lessons can it be at weekdays before her tuitions and revisions at night? "

sometimes, i dont know if they realise that they are giving their children a lil too much.
with so much to learn and to catch up with, how is he/ she going to throughly enjoy or even learn anything to begin with.

a conversation with some students can really show how much pressure a parent has been giving.

" everday after school i will go home, shower do homework and practice violin until i sleep, on weekdays i will practice the whole day but i hate violin, i dont like it at all."
" then why dont you tell your parents?"
" no, they will punish me. "

it just shows.
sometimes parents thinks they know best, but they really don't.
sometimes parents get so flusttered and anxious about their child's work that forgot to listen.

so if you are already a parent. take some time off today and listen to your children.
listen with your heart.
make friends with your children.

because fear without respect is futile

two zero one zero

2010-01-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

well, I personally DO NOT really believe in New year resolutions but I guess we all need some guidelines sometimes so I came up with just a few to begin with.

so here's one.

to be contented and to enjoy life as it is.

and I guess everything else will just fall into place after that and when I learn to be contented, I might just become a happier person dont you think?

No matter what, I am determined to make this year a superb and fruitful one.
be it with work, relationship or family.

my career, took me on a wild ride and its time i set my head straight and work for what i really want.
and today, i did.
with God's grace, I got myself a design project. not just an ordinary one, but one that i think i wld enjoy.
working with children, designing a school and working with God loving people.
its an experience.
as i sat I walked along the corridor, measuring the area, checking out flooring samples, discussing with architects and contractors, i felt like i found my place and I really missed it.
so here, my first step to a better career path.

My family.
For those who know, my relationship with my family has been a rough ride, but all in all, we know we love each other.
and working with your parents, running a family business, hasnt been a bed of roses.
those torns do stick out really badly sometimes.
so I hope to be alot more patient with them and love them like how they want me to.

My Friends,
to love you guys more because You all mean the world to me.
people say, 患难见真亲
and I have. all i can say is that i am truly blessed with the most awesome friends.
i love you all so so much.

My relationship,
well, to be gf, best friend, sister, support, partner, pillow, pillar and sometimes mummy for five long years, havent been easy
but I thank God for EVERY thing you have done.
for who you are, and who you have become.
and I know I am such a nuisance sometimes so thank you for your patience.
we'll work things out and make them better this year
and yes I will be happier.
i love you.

well, thats about all the resolutions I have this year. the rest are minor like get my driving license, sign up for SDT ( SINGAPORE DANCE THEATER ) jazz ballet, launch my first set of design in February, bring in more students for the music and art studio, go on a holiday and so much more.

oh well, so much for resolutions, here's what we DID DO to set the year straight
BINTAN!
it was a pretty rushed get away but really a good one. with 12 other great company, how can it be bad?
well i am TOO majoyly lazy to upload photos so PLEASE go checkit out in FB.

ok darlings I did too much talking!!

AWESOME NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! and live it to the fullest!

xoxo
Philly

lemonades for 5cts!

2009-12-30T09:58:00.000-08:00

" when life gives you lemons, you bloddy hell turn them into lemonade yo! "- Ross of 987FM

well said. and henceforth, I would be making my lemonades in my lil corner till strawberries and chocolates starts falling from the sky.

life, watch out for me.

christmas isn't christmas till it happens in your heart.

2009-12-26T11:16:00.000-08:00

christmas:
isn't just about the presents, the food or the christmas tree.
its about the friends, the company, the laughter and the photographs.

Merry Christmas my darlings.
I had one of the most wonderful ones this year and I hope you all had too!

its just us on christmas day.

2009-12-25T00:23:00.001-08:00

" lets pretend that the rain is snow!"
- J.

Its Christmas!!!

its been a very long year so this time, J and I decided to treat ourselves to dinner at Eden Sanctuary @ Rochester.
it wasnt too bad actually. well at least i like it. not so sure about J.
u shld try it!

checkitout!

reading the card from Me.

and the PRESENT i SPENT A GOOD 2 DAYS ON! but show u all one side can liao, the rest are not for the public eye. :)

THEN! the ex-lasallians met up for christmas party!!

after a whole night of mind boggling board games and laughing, I headed to yet ANOTHER PARTY
with those closest to my heart

the turkey was amazing, the wine was smooth and sweet, the laughter was priceless.
I love christmas, because it brings people together just like that.

well, someone randomly asked me to list 5 things that made me smile this christmas.
so I gave it a thought and came up with this!

1. An Agnes B bracelet from a student and her mum. Its really not the brand or the price, just the heart and how she went out to pick out the charms on the bracelets. I was so touched.

2. A self designed card by my student. simple sweet and so very thoughtful.

2. TWO sessions of Successful Hansel and Gretel Christmas Party with the kids at the studio. we even had an overwhelming response on tuesday! will be uploading the photos soon!

3. Splurging on myself this christmas by getting myself a Gucci bag! ( well technically J got it for me BUT i want to get it myself so I will pay him back! )

4. Dinner with J. finally some time alone after a veryyy long time.

5. Gathering and meeting up with family and friends!

ok one more.

6. PRESENTS! :) who doesnt like them?

oh wells, thats all i have now. I had so much fun and put on too much weight. so its detox and train up time but I had my share of fun.
more meet ups to come!
well.. Merry Christmas all my darlings and Have a great countdown!!

love u all!

today i say a silent prayer to a lil one. we loved you even before we knew you. and we will remember you.

high low high low

2009-12-20T08:36:00.000-08:00

hearing aid: lady gaga
if you ask me, I think she is legendary.

anyhow.
my good friend's wedding is nearing and I am DESPERATELY
looking for a white morning dress and bridesmaid shoes.
i have been looking high and low but you know, when you need to get something, nothing right seems to pop up.
BUT good news is, I did manage to get my evening dress though some alteration is needed.

so now the other big find, the SHOESSS

i went online and tried to search for something pretty and got lost in the world of shoes.
here are some pretty ones.
or well at least for me. ;)

well then i drifted off wondering how my own wedding wld be like.
what i would want my bridesmaid to wear.
and i saw this!

Yummy colours! Bright and pretty and unexpected! :)

and for myself, I shall wear this! ( when its my turn to be a mrs )

:) comfy and good.
and I wont be taller than J. HA.

oh wells anyhow, if ANY OF YOU see any pretty bridesmaid shoes PLEASE let me know.
thankiews darlings!!!

1 2 3 4, sunshine through my window.

2009-12-19T07:39:00.001-08:00

As the year gradually come to an end, I have spent some time reflecting and thinking about the entire year.
and this 365 days, really havent been easy.
I found myself crawling my way through most of the days.
then I recalled the last time i reflected and thought how horrible the year has been was exactly a year ago.
Twenty O Eight.

and I was so looking forward to twenty nine.
now that twenty nine is coming to an end, I feel the same way.
and once again, I am looking forward to twenty ten.

but this twenty ten, will be different.
i guess everyone or most pple, would write down their resolutions for the year before it begins.
I have never been a strong believer in that.
never really thought it was useful or it was something that I had to stick to.
but as I reflected and thought about the pervious years, I decided on my first resolution.

and thats by the end of twenty ten, to be satisfied, happy, glad, and thankful for the many occasions and things that happened.
I am looking forward to it, because this time I am not running a prospect race myself, but with pple who loves me.
and well, it took me this long to realise.
yes, it too me so many years to realise that I havent been running and crawling and sinking by myself, but with the people around me. and that my every emotion or situations affected them alot.
physically, mentally and spiritually.

and then i realised that the sunshine that i have been looking for, has always been by the window. All i needed to do was to draw the curtains, and open the window.

oh wells. so much for reminiscing.

right now, I just have too much to do before the year ends and I have to complete it even though i am dead beat.

also, I have decided to give myself a treat this christmas and buy myself a really pretty present.

am still looking around. if you have any ideas, share lae!!

alrights totally zonked out. goodnight world.

B.V :)

2009-12-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

There is too much to do before the year ends. and I am exhausted but I am starting to love what I am doing so its still keeping me going.
besides work, I managed to squeeze in a week off and set off to desaru for a short break with the BASICS ! well a break from life at least.

i know the photos are not v enticing but well i really didnt take many photos most of them are either with j or denyse. :(

and its back to work again.
due to overwhelming response, we have opened yet ANOTHER "Not So Little Camp of Big Ideas THREE!"
my body is about to break down after chasing children around for the past 2 weeks, but their laughter, smiles, giggles,
occasional " I like teacher Phillane." really gets me going.
visit us at vincemusicartstudio.wordpress.com to find out more
come by and get a VIP card from us!

well if you are wondering, we are also in the midst of planning and arranging next year's program and cirriculum.
it has been a pretty exciting roller coaster ride, but we have just started so we shall see where it takes us too.

also, new notebook designs, calenders and stationaries are to be launched next year early feb too.
so PLESE stay tuned!

i cant wait to produce my own designs it has been such a dream. now I just have to pray for more time and more energy. :)

right after the camp, we have to rush to prepare " The Hansel and Gretel Christmas Party!"
we sure hope it would be a blast.
now I can just cross my fingers and hope for the best! :)

oh wells. talking bout christmas! i got my FIRST christmas present today! from J!!!! :)
thankiewwwss!! :))) you really know how to make me extremely Happy!

alrighty babes and darlings.
enjoy yourselves as much as you can as our year comes to a close!

shattered glass.

2009-11-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

trusting someone takes courage.
trust has to be built. bit by bit, brick by brick.
but once the trust has tumbled, building back the foundation, takes more than just courage.
it takes forgiveness, strength, love, and a whole lot of prayer.

time of course, is a major factor.
well, time doesn't heal all wounds.
it just deceives.

when a man says no, never.
think twice. trust, but give room for mistakes.
when he says, i didn't.
take a step back, give room for mistakes.
when he says, I love you.
today, he might mean it, tomorrow, think again.

one two three down.

right now where i am,
i know in my heart, not everything can be trusted.
take heed, be just a lil skeptical.

i know my male friends wont be too happy to read this but let me say my peace.

Women, stand for your rights.
if you need to fight till you bleed, till you cry your eyes dry, till you're on the ground, till you lost your sanity.
Fight.

Men,
.....

one two three down.

so ladies, take step back and think when your man says "trust me"

Someway or another,
they
are
all
bloody liars.
and
damn
good
at
it.

my heart bleeds. for all my girls and for all those unspoken pain buried deep down inside.

looking looking

2009-11-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

been really extremely busy with too many things coming up.
half way through The Not So Little Camp Of Big ideas, and the kids are enjoying it very much i hope :) made alot of new happy friends along the way.

well another one coming up next monday. im drained. but at the same time, kinda looking forward to it.
then besides, that, we are in the midst of planning our christmas party!!
the Hansel and Gretel Christmas party! :)
with designing your own ginger bread man, making simple pop up cards, games, christmas lunch, gift exchange and so much more instored! come join us if you are available k?

btw, party fee is ONLY 38$ ( psst its like child care while u continue to run your last min christmas errands, its a good deal aye? :))

and my dear friends, of cz if u wanna come, BIG DISCOUNTS :) slurps might even be free!!
haha ok adverts over
now the real stuff

its still a week away BUT i am FREAKING OUT!
because i will be emceeing this coming weekend for an RC event though not quite the first time, but it IS THE FIRST TIME IN MANDARIN!!

PLUS no SCRIPT!

i am already having sweaty palms just thinking about it but then these always a first right?
it might just inspire me to pick up chinese all over again! laughs.

and yes planning my japan trip has been really exciting.
looking thru the itinery and conversing with the agent makes me super duper excited!
disneyland! and disney sea and wasabi farm and mt fuji :) yummy

will update you guys when the ititnery is more settled so that u can use it as reference if you need :)

oh yes besides all that, met up with some uni friends a few days back and it was awesome :)
its that warm feeling you get when you meet farmiliar pple, talking about farmiliar stuff.

photos to be up with the vain gavin edited them lol.

anyways, if any of you have any good suggestion for christmas dinner do let us know ! j and I are looking for pretty places for christmas this year. so fill us in alright?

ok have fun and enjoy your holidays!!

xoxo

ps: I am currently looking for suitable part full time art teacher that are able to handle children of all ages. preferably with acrylic and oil painting background. if you know of any one or are interested, drop me an email at vincemusicartstudio@gmail.com

thanks dearies!! :)

winter wonderland!

2009-11-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

Work has been piling up in every way yet through every little project, I discover a little more about myself.
not that its a bad thing, its just a road to a better me I hope.
Well besides work, we added some fun into our work space too.
like.. spending our " ke-chings" on christmas decorations!
went down to spotlight on wednesday evening with intentions to just grab some ribbons but.. good for us because.. EVERYTHING was on 20% sale!

so we grabbed!

looks little but it was enough to go round the entire studio!

we had 6m ribbons at 2 bucks, 20m of wrapping paper at 7 bucks, 10 christmas balls at 4 bucks, christmas wealth for 18 bucks and so much more! :)
and check this baby out.

" FABRIC PROTECTOR!"
simply spray it on your carpet, table cloth or any fabric. ( at least 3 to 4 layers )
leave it to dry overnight, come back the next day and wala! you can spill anything on it and it doesnt sip in!!
i shall take a pic of the water droplets tmr and show you guys!

sold at Spotlight for 10 bucks!!go check it damn amazing larhhh!!

then we got all hyper. ( cause we are so tiredd.).

and the results..
i promise.. the photograph so doesnt do justice to its awesomeness.
tried taking so many times but it didnt turn out good so shall just show these few..

cutesy raindeer for 2 bucks each ( daiso! )

After 2 months long of planning and 1 week of cramming and stressing and prepiing for the art and music camp, we are finally more or less ready, with just a lil more materials to look into.
and to wind down after long days, J and I headed down to taka to enjoy some pasta.

i prolly have never told you guys this bout ambush( refer to pic )
but they cook up some yummy pastas! not too ex yet yummy. the only :( point is its limited seats but nevertheless, its worth the try and the short wait. :)

sorry this is the only pic I have as I was too hungry and too tired. its at basment one, right behind all the food area.
go there some day and enjoy!

well thats all folk! Have a happy Holiday!!

xoxo

Ring Ring.
" Hello Good Morning, TRI..com...Oh I mean .."
" Hello erm, is this vince music art studio?"
" yes yes i am so sorry.. "
- Phillane

Ring Ring
"Hello Good evening Soup Spoon!OH I mean Vince!"
" Hello... erm.??"
-Jasmine

just classic

Hero.

2009-11-17T09:18:00.000-08:00

" i cant seem to get it out of my head. these voices, the scenes, the flashes, it just plays and replays.
those words, the most demoralizing words, everything.
Its one of my biggest regret.
I am all messed up. I fell and I am trying to stand.
but i am doing it really slowly. I cant do it alone, but i have to do it myself.
I am trying to stand, but my wound still hurts."

" You have to do it alone, But I am here. I am helping you, I am holding you."

Hero - Mariah Carey
Here's a hero if you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid of what you are.
There's an answer if you reach into your soul
and the sorrow that you know will melt away

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

It's a long road when you face the world alone,
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold.
You can find love if you search within yourself
and the emptiness you felt will disappear.

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you.

oh....Lord knows dreams are hard to follow,
But don't let anyone tear them away.
Hold on, there will be tomorrow,
In time you'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
with the strength to carry on
and you cast your fears aside
and you know you can survive.

So, when you feel like hope is gone
look inside you and be strong
and you'll finally see the truth
that a hero lies in you
that a hero lies in ... you
mmmm that a hero lies in.....you.

Twenty O nine.
As you depart, please bring this away with you.
because I need to stand to tall, for Twenty Ten.

Thank you.

All I want for christmas is you.

2009-11-16T08:50:00.000-08:00

Can you hear the christmas bells?
of all the festive seasons, I love christmas the very very most.
I love the bells, the decorations, the get togethers, the warm hearted greetings and the romantic songs.
and not forgetting the presents.

This december is alot different from last years.
I will be working through december, working hard actually.
but I will be enjoying much more than before, because things are now in my control.
i get to decorate the studio, to think of parties, activities, things to do and much more..
cant wait cant wait!!

November has been MADNESS
from Open House to Art Camps to buying materials and meetings and giving out leaflets..
and actually best of all, is to have done all that with the best people in my life.
I dont think I would have been able to achieve all that without any of their help. Its just a nice feeling to see familiar faces in the mornings and through the day.

thank you. :)

so the " Not So Little Camp Of Big Ideas" is coming up next monday and I am really not that much prepared i think.
but we are inching our way there, calling up students, preparing materials and much more.
so keep your fingers crossed, we hope things will work out!

oh yes and if you're one of those who have been asking to see the open house pictures, here you go!

well there you have it.. the photos arent in order. but for now, lets just settle for that:)
I really couldnt have done this without any of my friends.
so one more time.

thank you. :)

ok now i just CANT WAIT for christmasss!! been playing romantic christmas songs in the background the whole night and its making me very excited about it. laughs

alright people. cheers to december!!

life besides my life

2009-11-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

I have disappeared for a long time cz by the time i reach home, i would be too tired to do anything.
but life hasnt been all that dull since time is technically in my own hands nowadays.

the stress from the open house preparation is crawling its way to my neck. but its all in good hands
and esp when kenny keeps coming round with home made cupcakes, it just makes working more enticing :)

btw heres a lil advert!
if you are looking for home made tasting cupcakes, look this way cause we got ourself a cupcaker!
drop me an email or sms if you are interested okays? I will refer you to him!
Personalized birthday cupcakes, treats for events, just tell him what you are looking for and he will try his best to produce the best cupcakes!

ALSO stay tuned for our christmas collaboration! Cupcakes and Hand made Christmas cards! :)

heres a sneak peek at his works!

and hidden behind a pile of open house invites that we are getting ready to pass to Mr Postman

work aside, tocky got his car last week and decided to be very nice and drive us up to East coast park to have dinner

( sorry for the bad quality photos, i am tooo lazy to edit)

satisfied tummies:)

then sissy came back from a 3 week long US trip with granny, gugu and huai xi. it wasnt a planned trip therefore many things werent fully prepared. ( story too long to be told )

anyways, she came back and well though she bought like tops that are 2 size bigger, i still loved everything she brought back!

thankiews mei mei :)))

and yesterday i decided to give myself treat and took a trip down to wax in the city at orchard central and get my toes done!
im going to show u my toes because i love ittt!! so pretty (excuse this bimbo side) :)

pretty right? damn shiok to see shinny things on my feet, makes me feel alot happier

well my week ahead is going to be a craazzzyyy one with so much more to do
oh and for those who dont know, i have just joined a Art organisation called WOW ART
so I have been going around primary and secondary schools teaching different sorts of art and craft and yelling at kids
tiring.. but really fun I must say.

okies enough of my really really long post, SEE YOU ALL THIS WEEKEND AH :)
( if you're free that is )

A Father's Words

2009-10-31T10:19:00.000-07:00

The words of a father

I went to Cherie and Benjamin's wedding at Crown Hotel ( T3) this evening.
it was a small and cosy and happy ceremony
where its just them with their closest friends and family.
Her dress was gorgeous, her hair was beautiful.
they kept everything simple and sweet.

then her parents went on stage to say a few words for the couple as well as the guests.

" to cherie, you have grown to be a beautiful godly woman, who have at a young age, travelled to many parts of asia to spread the gospel and I take pride in knowing how much you love God..."

i find myself choking on my tears as he said those tender words to her daughter.
indeed it was touching.

but above all, he said the words Ive always imagined my dad would say to me on my wedding day.
But I know perhaps, that may never come true.

it pains me to know that a man has destroyed the faith of my father and as much as I would like to forgive, right now, i cannot.

" Whats your dream? what do you really want to do in the future?"
" Daddy, I want to reach out to as many children as I can in the 3rd world countries and tell them about God."
" If i am going to raise you to be a fine young lady, dont you DARE do God's work because that would be a WASTE OF ALL MY TIME AND MONEY ON YOU and I will be in pain! HOW CAN YOU WANT TO WASTE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT? "

till today, my heart still bleeds.

our song.

2009-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

" 第一次我　牽起你的雙手
失去方向　不知該往那兒走... "
I still feel the same when you slip your hands into mine
my heart still skips a beat when I hear your name
my lips still quiver when you pull me to you and say,
" I know what you want "
I still smile when you tell me I am the most troublesome person you know and then kiss me on my forehead.

I just spent 3 hours singing and shouting into the mic at K box with zhong yu and zhups and
i really vented alot of my stress onto that speaker
and it feels good.
:)

well, my third theory test tmr.
wish me luck and dont u laugh at my third attempt.
i have a perfect excuse for this.

stay tuned for the results! :)))